PRESENT PERFECT
For Shivi Verma, the current lockdown has become the perfect opportunity for the sadhana of self-surrender to the One who is running the show
As someone prone to thinking and brooding, action was not one of my strong points since childhood. As I grew up, thinking became an affliction with me. I stewed in my thoughts and became more and more confused and miserable. As a result, my actions were limited and lacked the force of conviction.
Basically, I was looking for answers about the truths of life through the only tool I was aware of—my mind. Fortunately, meditation happened, and, through it, I was able to access a realm within myself which threw a bright light on the path that I should be walking.
It also shed light on my glaring shortcomings. I realised that I feared life and people, and mistrusted myself and my abilities. These defects were hampering my growth as an individual. For a fearful person like me, taking action was akin to taking risks, and I did not trust myself with such a daunting job.
Gradually, as the inner voice became stronger, I realised that I did not have to do much. I just had to trust my intuition, my inner promptings, and take the next step without fearing the consequences. Even if I failed, some purpose or the other would get served by having tried. My fear of taking action began to loosen its grip on me. My confidence began to increase. In many situations, I surprised myself by doing things which others would fear or avoid.
If ever I felt fear or tension, I would immediately realise that it was nothing but the energy of right action which was stuck and which needed to be released. And I would take the necessary steps, no matter how difficult they seemed, only to find that the difficulty existed only in my mind.
However, in spirituality, there are always higher lessons awaiting you.
When the nationwide lockdown was announced, I realised that all my power of action was taken away by providence in a snap. I had no choice but to resign to the circumstances. All I could do was buy groceries, work from home, do some physical exercises, and then go to sleep only to repeat this cycle the next day. Oftentimes, worries of the future, finances, the rent, and job security would crowd my mind, and I would get filled with stress and insecurity. I would also realise that I was totally powerless to do anything to improve my condition.
In these moments, I had a profound epiphany. I realised that I was not the doer, and God was asking me to trust in Him and His process. He was the one orchestrating the whole scenario, and he would also take care of my present as well as my future. I was being asked to surrender and let go. I was increasingly realising that worrying was useless as constructive action was not possible. Not only that; I was being pushed to be in the present moment as any movement of the mind towards the past or the future was causing stress. The lockdown has become an exercise in practising trust, surrender, gratitude, and being in the present moment. I am experiencing how calm the centre of the storm can be. Each time I think of my future, a voice tells me that I am being taken care of and that I am in safe hands. I feel happy, light, and blessed.
Editor of Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately.