August 2024
JOURNEY
Be Emotionally Independent To avoid disappointment in relationships, that are otherwise normal, it is important to learn to be emotionally self-sufficient, says Shivi Verma
We live in an interdependent world. The entire theory of karma is based on how we treat others. And yet if we focus only on others, we miss out on the crucial aspect of knowing ourselves and our place in this world. Spirituality makes us realise that others help us in self
discovery, for our true reality comes out in relation to other people in our lives. The test of all our learnings happens through situations created by others.
And no matter how much we serve and love others, if we haven’t mastered detachment and not fixed our gaze on the eternal relation with the divine, relationships are likely to disappoint us. Hoping for good relations to cater fully to our emotional, mental and physical needs is a chimera.
Most relations are meant to trigger us into looking at our unhealed parts. In the soul world all of us are friends of each other, but in the 3D reality, maya plays its tricks and creates ego, fear or
insecurity-based reactions out of people making it difficult to have a harmonious relation with them.
Yet it’s is neither possible, nor advisable to fully disconnect from others in order to find peace. The goal of all relationship-based friction is to take you within and expunge all that is not serving you in your higher interest. It could be the fear of upsetting others, people-pleasing attitude, over-giving, or being calculative, controlling or manipulative in relationships.
However, it could also be subtle things that irk or sadden you. Like your person being indifferent, obese, busy, boring, or emotionally unavailable, even though they are non-violent and good providers or caregivers. To cut a long story short, while it pays to introspect and change what you should in yourself to level up in a relationship, it might not have a similar effect on your counterpart who might not meet you halfway in your effort to strengthen the bond. While its prudent to cut ties with someone extremely toxic and abusive, the same attitude might not work in case of ordinary relationship issues. However, the problems are often big enough to create unhealthy family dynamics. For example, women who are denied emotional intimacy or proper communication by their partners, often begin depending on their children, especially sons
to fulfil their need for validation and attention. This works for only as long as the son is single. All hell breaks loose the moment he gets married and brings home a wife. The mother internally resents the new woman and often tries to create discord between the couple.
These and other relationship problems make me think that along with being financially independent, it is also important to be emotionally independent. No one person can meet all your needs in a relationship. And it’s futile jumping from one relationship to another looking for that elusive goal of finding the perfect one. Every pain is meant to nudge you to your higher self. To rise above the murkiness and drama of worldly life. To strengthen our bond with the Divine and look for healthy alternative to give as well as receive love. Planting trees, taking up a social cause, mentoring children, serving animals, learning a new skill and developing a sense of detached witness consciousness can greatly help us stay calm and stable in our lives. The best thing is that as you grow, and evolve, becoming a better and happier version of yourself, things that you had once needed start getting drawn to you on their own. Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately.
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