Journey
February 2024
Giving up victimhood
Shivi Verma says that one can stop playing the victim and let go of the hurt by coming to the understanding that the ‘perpetrator’ is themself a victim of their circumstances
Spirituality has many benefits: it has the power to eliminate suffering and put things in the right perspective for you.
In the course of my life, I came across many souls steeped in deep darkness who caused me immeasurable pain. Cruelty, selfishness, arrogance, and greed ruled and dictated their lives, and for the most part, they were unaware of the hurt they caused others.
Like everyone else, I used to get terribly hurt and upset by abuse, betrayal, rudeness, insensitivity, and meanness. I would carry the hurt and blame for a long time in my heart. Though I never took revenge, I found it very difficult to forgive my wrongdoers.
I realised that getting even with them was not the solution. It wasn’t going to open up their eyes as a thick wall of ego prevented them from seeing the error of their ways. And fostering a sense of inner illumination in them was not in my power. I consoled myself by thinking that, on dying, it wasn’t possible for anyone to escape facing their inner world. They would be accountable for the injury and hurt they inflicted on others and would have to admit their mistakes.
However, I was far from forgiving them. As I progressed, I realised that my inner angst was keeping me from growing spiritually and, perhaps, even bringing about similar experiences. Through Life Positive workshops and plenty of inner work, I was able to forgive them. It gave me a great release and freedom from negative emotions.
Now I feel that I am on a different wavelength. Even if someone hurts me or does something against me, the intense sense of victimhood doesn’t happen. A diffused vision arises in its place showing me that, basically, no one has ever tried to hurt me ever. Everyone was doing what they felt was the right thing to do according to their level of consciousness. Their focus was on securing their own interest or making themselves happy and not on hurting me. In fact, nobody has ever tried to hurt me intentionally. They have acted out of their own biases, prejudices, weaknesses, and understanding of life. I just happened to be there at the receiving end. This doesn’t mean that I continue to have cordial relations with them as before. I learn my lessons and stop trusting them, but my effort is more towards knowing their inner motivations which made them do what they did.
This also helps me to not retaliate when I am being attacked by someone. I often glide away internally, watching the whole scene from outside like a spectator. I realise that my attacker has their own reasons for behaving in an unruly manner, which have very little to do with me and everything to do with their state of mind.
This attitude requires great inner honesty, where you are aware of your inner integrity, sincerity, and blamelessness in any situation. When you know that your intentions are pure and your actions upright. If not, then you become defensive and escalate the situation further by arguing and quarrelling.
Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately
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