Living by Letting Go By Mala Shah

By Mala



 

It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on.   It takes a lot of strength to let go      J. C. Watts

 

What is the adult version of "The Good girl?"

"The Good girl" says: “Yes every time when she may actually want to say No!”

"The Good girl" keeps her mouth shut and does not say a word even when people hurt her.

"The Good girl" may totally disagree with a situation yet will go along with it anyway.

Does this relate to you?

 

Ask yourself this:

Do you feel that you have to complete things/ chores just to “keep the peace” in the house?

Do friends / family members tend to manipulate you?

Do you take the pressure off others and take on the tasks yourself?

Do co-workers appear to take advantage of you?

Are you too nice for your own good?

Do people always take you for granted and say, without actually asking you first, – “Yes give it to her, she will make sure it gets done?

 

If you have answered yes to any one of the above questions, then you are, either unknowingly, or perhaps even knowingly a victim of the “Good Girl Syndrome”.

How and why do we fall into this trap of being nice to everyone?

This role is adopted during childhood, when we are labelled as “oh she is so good she will manage to do this” yet, there are other siblings / s, who will be regarded as very clever and the task at hand would be inferior to them.  For no reason at all you feel guilty of not making things  happen or to be right, and this guilty feeling more often than not, leads you to be a bit too nice to individuals.  We get trained to be a good girl at all costs. We are heavily submerged into thinking that pleasing other people, unselfishness and co-operation are the qualities of the good girl.  We tend to ignore our own desires, put them second in line and then we grow up convinced that fulfilling wishes of others is more important.

We tend to rescue somebody each time to avoid hurting or upsetting the other person.  We say “Yes”, and go along with something even when we really don’t want to, and want to say “No”.  In reality, we are actually making it more difficult for the other person to progress in life, as they become totally dependent on us, the Good Girl, to continually save their position.  We mean well, however the outcome for us is almost always negative. First you become frustrated as you are stopping yourself from
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