October 2023
Through cultivating four practices, Suma Varughese anticipates that at some point, she will realise her goal of living wholeheartedly.
Living wholeheartedly is an ideal I have long cherished. I longed to pour myself into every moment of my life, fully immerse myself in the activity of the time, and give it all I had. Instead, I have lived half-heartedly, distracted by the myriad thoughts that flitted through my mind and hobbled by my absent-mindedness and a lack of focus. I would start projects which eventually trailed off into nothing. At the end of the day, I would find that I had not fulfilled more than a fraction of my to-do list, because the day would have gone by in idle reverie.
However, of late, I am beginning to feel that this goal is not beyond me. I too can hope to charge every activity of mine with zeal and passion. I too can hope to achieve excellence in whatever I choose to apply myself to.
My hope lies in four practices that I have been cultivating. The first consists of an ongoing acceptance of my thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and my resistance to them. After decades of resisting, rationalising, suppressing, bypassing, and ignoring my mindstuff, I have finally reached a space where it is possible to accept all of it and accept the resistance too. Already, there
is a sense of becoming more whole, especially when I affirm that I validate and honour every single aspect of myself. The mind actually stops in its tracks and wonders, Am I really worthy of being honoured?
The second practice is to accept suffering, which I recently learnt to do. Accepting suffering frees me of fears and the resistance to the fears. It tilts me towards the region of surrender, and that too dilutes the mindstuff and enables me to be more in the moment.
The third practice, which is a very recent insight, is to not allow anyone or anything the power to control my happiness. I was tired of yo-yoing between joy and sorrow, anger and peace, and highs and lows, depending on what life and others served up to me. It occurred to me that no matter what anyone said or did, no matter what situation life put me through, as long as I still had myself and God, nothing crucial would leave me. This realisation is enabling me to take back my power. While writing this article, I placed my phone in the kitchen. My mind did not crave to get back to the phone, because nothing that the phone could give me was
in any way crucial to my existence. The fourth is also a nascent discovery and that is the willingness to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions and choices. I find that this capacity too is a happening, something that dawns on you when you reach a certain level of maturity. The capacity to take responsibility frees us of nameless apprehensions and doubts, and roots us in the present moment. It enables us to free ourselves of the victim mentality and stay with what is.
As these activities become stronger within me and percolate deeper into my being, I anticipate that I will be able to operate out of freedom and without being driven by needs and wants. Why then will I not buckle down into the moment and give it all my heart? I am not holding my breath, because change, at least in my case, has been maddeningly slow. But whenever it condescends to show up will be the right moment to do so.
Through cultivating four practices, Suma Varughese anticipates that at some point, she will realise her goal of living wholeheartedly.
Living wholeheartedly is an ideal I have long cherished. I longed to pour myself into every moment of my life, fully immerse myself in the activity of the time, and give it all I had. Instead, I have lived half-heartedly, distracted by the myriad thoughts that flitted through my mind and hobbled by my absent-mindedness and a lack of focus. I would start projects which eventually trailed off into nothing. At the end of the day, I would find that I had not fulfilled more than a fraction of my to-do list, because the day would have gone by in idle reverie.
However, of late, I am beginning to feel that this goal is not beyond me. I too can hope to charge every activity of mine with zeal and passion. I too can hope to achieve excellence in whatever I choose to apply myself to.
My hope lies in four practices that I have been cultivating. The first consists of an ongoing acceptance of my thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and my resistance to them. After decades of resisting, rationalising, suppressing, bypassing, and ignoring my mindstuff, I have finally reached a space where it is possible to accept all of it and accept the resistance too. Already, there
is a sense of becoming more whole, especially when I affirm that I validate and honour every single aspect of myself. The mind actually stops in its tracks and wonders, Am I really worthy of being honoured?
The second practice is to accept suffering, which I recently learnt to do. Accepting suffering frees me of fears and the resistance to the fears. It tilts me towards the region of surrender, and that too dilutes the mindstuff and enables me to be more in the moment.
The third practice, which is a very recent insight, is to not allow anyone or anything the power to control my happiness. I was tired of yo-yoing between joy and sorrow, anger and peace, and highs and lows, depending on what life and others served up to me. It occurred to me that no matter what anyone said or did, no matter what situation life put me through, as long as I still had myself and God, nothing crucial would leave me. This realisation is enabling me to take back my power. While writing this article, I placed my phone in the kitchen. My mind did not crave to get back to the phone, because nothing that the phone could give me was
in any way crucial to my existence. The fourth is also a nascent discovery and that is the willingness to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions and choices. I find that this capacity too is a happening, something that dawns on you when you reach a certain level of maturity. The capacity to take responsibility frees us of nameless apprehensions and doubts, and roots us in the present moment. It enables us to free ourselves of the victim mentality and stay with what is.
As these activities become stronger within me and percolate deeper into my being, I anticipate that I will be able to operate out of freedom and without being driven by needs and wants. Why then will I not buckle down into the moment and give it all my heart? I am not holding my breath, because change, at least in my case, has been maddeningly slow. But whenever it condescends to show up will be the right moment to do so.
Through cultivating four practices, Suma Varughese anticipates that at some point, she will realise her goal of living wholeheartedly.
Living wholeheartedly is an ideal I have long cherished. I longed to pour myself into every moment of my life, fully immerse myself in the activity of the time, and give it all I had. Instead, I have lived half-heartedly, distracted by the myriad thoughts that flitted through my mind and hobbled by my absent-mindedness and a lack of focus. I would start projects which eventually trailed off into nothing. At the end of the day, I would find that I had not fulfilled more than a fraction of my to-do list, because the day would have gone by in idle reverie.
However, of late, I am beginning to feel that this goal is not beyond me. I too can hope to charge every activity of mine with zeal and passion. I too can hope to achieve excellence in whatever I choose to apply myself to.
My hope lies in four practices that I have been cultivating. The first consists of an ongoing acceptance of my thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and my resistance to them. After decades of resisting, rationalising, suppressing, bypassing, and ignoring my mindstuff, I have finally reached a space where it is possible to accept all of it and accept the resistance too. Already, there
is a sense of becoming more whole, especially when I affirm that I validate and honour every single aspect of myself. The mind actually stops in its tracks and wonders, Am I really worthy of being honoured?
The second practice is to accept suffering, which I recently learnt to do. Accepting suffering frees me of fears and the resistance to the fears. It tilts me towards the region of surrender, and that too dilutes the mindstuff and enables me to be more in the moment.
The third practice, which is a very recent insight, is to not allow anyone or anything the power to control my happiness. I was tired of yo-yoing between joy and sorrow, anger and peace, and highs and lows, depending on what life and others served up to me. It occurred to me that no matter what anyone said or did, no matter what situation life put me through, as long as I still had myself and God, nothing crucial would leave me. This realisation is enabling me to take back my power. While writing this article, I placed my phone in the kitchen. My mind did not crave to get back to the phone, because nothing that the phone could give me was
in any way crucial to my existence. The fourth is also a nascent discovery and that is the willingness to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions and choices. I find that this capacity too is a happening, something that dawns on you when you reach a certain level of maturity. The capacity to take responsibility frees us of nameless apprehensions and doubts, and roots us in the present moment. It enables us to free ourselves of the victim mentality and stay with what is.
As these activities become stronger within me and percolate deeper into my being, I anticipate that I will be able to operate out of freedom and without being driven by needs and wants. Why then will I not buckle down into the moment and give it all my heart? I am not holding my breath, because change, at least in my case, has been maddeningly slow. But whenever it condescends to show up will be the right moment to do so.
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