November 2016 By Abhishek Thakore Offset your bad karma with these easy-to-repay Karmic Loans and laugh your way to Nirvana, says Abhishek Thakore At Life Positive, we give you quick and easy Karmic Loans to improve your present life! We offer eligibility even for the most hardened sinners!! Our low rates translate into very low EMAs (Evangelical Monthly Actions)!!!Apply online and get your Karma Loan sanctioned in under eight hours!!!!But hang on! What is an LP Karma Loan? In today’s New Age, all of us, regardless of whether we have a guru or not, want to experience the bliss of awakening and enlightenment. We don’t mind attending workshop after workshop, buying teleshopping products and making generous offerings to anyone who agrees to take us a few steps closer.BUT these small steps aren’t enough to get you there! You are left dangling, just a few steps away from realisation. Your bad karma is too much to be nullified. Meanwhile, seekers around you start getting IT and experiencing the joy and bliss that you can only dream of. Clearly, they were holier than you.What do you do now?You have many options of courses, masters, satsangs, products and practices and can get totally lost. All you need is some good karma that erases all your debauchery, greed, stealing, gluttony and other sins that you may have unknowingly committed.Enter, LP Karma Loans.With our connections to the most enlightened beings on the planet, we have aggregated good karma that is available to the most sincere (and rich) seekers.How does it work?To apply for an LP Karma Loan – send in your basic details (how much baggage you own, childhood traumas, sins committed so far) for an initial quote. Upload your documents, certificates, private journals and hate mail. “To apply for an LP Karma Loan – send in your basic details (how much baggage you own, childhood traumas, sins committed so far) for an initial quote.” Our trusted agents will have a look at all your muck, and shadows. Based on this we will give you an EMA estimate. EMA is Evangelical Monthly Actions – good deeds that you HAVE to do every month to pay back your Karma Loan. The moment your loan is approved, you will receive a Karma credit. Very soon, accumulated Karma from your past life will be set off and you will suddenly find yourself growing wiser and wiser. Beyond a point, you will not be able to control this and in a flash – SATORI!!!As an awakened being, you will live the life of your dreams! Approval from other suckers, [sorry, seekers], columns in leading new-agey publications, and an audience to listen to you.Apply Today!P.S: Terms and Conditions apply – if you miss an EMA, you may find yourself stuck in a never-ending 10-dayer with the teacher’s voice on loop, meals only one time a day and without freedom to speak. This will help you regain your good Karma credit rating and become eligible once again! About the author : Abhishek Thakore is a stand-up philosopher, full-time lover of life, and the founder of The Blue Ribbon Movement.
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