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• Journey-Sep

Masculinity vs Femininity
Shivi Verma asserts that masculinity and femininity are all about positive qualities, which anyone can embrace regardless of their gender

I am often accused of being masculine, especially by males. Most of my partners have tried to change me into what is considered a feminine person. 

Once, in order to get my boyfriend’s approval, I had changed myself so much that my family members were appalled to see me. I had given up my ambition for a career, had begun to cover my head with a dupatta, and was focussed on excelling at household chores only. He had convinced me that the way I was, (fearless and ambitious) was wrong, unacceptable, and a result of faulty upbringing of females by their parents. Eventually, his many claims about his vocation and background turned out to be false and I woke up to the fact that his opinion about me was nothing but a ploy to subjugate me. 

However, these remarks did not cease to come my way, even as time passed and I had other significant relationships. It took me some time to understand that these statements were nothing but mental manipulations by men who felt threatened by me and wanted to make me submissive and weak. Each time I have tried to fit into the groove of a traditional, obedient, compliant woman, I have felt suffocated, diminished, and fearful. And each time I have rejected these definitions, I have felt strong, happy, and empowered.

Yet, I have often wondered why this accusation is levelled against me.

I am not masculine to look at, at all. Nor am I aggressive, domineering, or self-aggrandising. Rather, I am full of feminine qualities such as compassion, service, love, and caring. As I was mulling over this issue, I was transported to my childhood and could clearly see where this influence was coming from.

My father was a dynamic young man, full of daring, courage, and an explosive, devil-may-care attitude. I never saw him back down from any challenge, tell a lie, or cut corners to achieve his goals. He was my hero, and, on growing up, I wanted to be like him. I loved the way he used to make his presence felt, shine his brilliance, and believe in himself. 

However, on actually growing up, I realised that there were limits to how much I could emulate him. Unlike him, I had neither the intention nor the ambition to work in masculine fields like sales, sports, or heavy industries. Nor did I want to go around picking up challenges and dares, which could land me in serious trouble as I was a woman.

On deeper reflection, I realised that masculinity was nothing but a series of beautiful qualities that could be embraced by anyone irrespective of their gender. For me, masculinity represented superior ideals such as being conscientious, courageous, honest, truthful, responsible, accountable, protective of the weak, and keeping one’s word at all costs. The more I embraced these virtues, the more I grew as an individual.

Frankly speaking, I feel if these qualities became the benchmark of masculinity, the world will become a far better place to live in. So, the next time, if anyone tells me that I am masculine, I will ask them what they understand by masculinity or, for that matter, femininity. For being feminine too does not mean being submissive, voiceless, and dependent. It means being in touch with one’s feelings, being empathetic, kind, caring, and nurturing. And one does not have to be a female to embrace these virtues.