Minding my tongue
May 2023
In a battle between Shivi Verma’s conscience and her desire to titillate the taste buds, the former came up trumps
Afew days ago, I was discussing eating habits with a friend of mine. She is a non-vegetarian while I, a vegetarian. She said that we have a short life, so we must enjoy it to the hilt and not have any hang-ups about food choices. I told her that my preferences had changed over the years and that I feel happier being a vegetarian and do not relish eating meat anymore. This conversation took me down memory lane, when I used to be a big food lover. I loved eating a variety of foods and relished non veg dishes. I drooled over the mutton, chicken, and fish curries made by my mother and would happily gorge on biryanis, butter chicken, tandoori chicken, and kebabs when I ate out. But what created an obstacle in my mind was my love for nature and animals. I wondered how I could not feel any compunction while wolfing down the bodies of the same animals I loved. It created a dichotomy in my mind. Moreover, at the turn of the road that led to my house was a butcher’s shop. Every day while returning from school, I would see lambs and goats tied before the shop, waiting helplessly for their turn to get killed just to fill human stomachs.
Once I lifted the bamboo blind that covered the meat shop and was horrified to see what was happening inside. I don’t have the courage to describe the scene.
My conscience told me that it was unethical to eat meat. It was wrong to rob a living being of its life just to momentarily give pleasure to my tongue. But I did not have the resolve to fight off the urge to eat meat when it was presented before me looking delectable and smelling heavenly. I would give in to gustatory pleasures, postponing my ethics for another day. When I turned 20, I once again decided to quit eating meat after watching a TV programme anchored by Maneka Gandhi. I fought hard against the temptation. It was difficult to see others enjoying succulent pieces of chicken curry while I contented myself with dal chawal. I was jeered and teased by friends and family members alike for trying to act on my resolve. They said things like “It takes good fortune to be able to savour the joys of life” or “You eat grass while we eat the food of the king of the jungle.”The problem was not their teasing as much as my intense desire to indulge, which I was finding difficult to overcome. I held out for a few months and then gave in. I argued in my mind that if God disapproved of meat-eating,
He wouldn’t create carnivorous animals. I also convinced myself that meat-eating was the same as fruit-eating as both had life. However, deep down, I knew that I was not acting in consonance with my heart. I was simply trying to justify my craving for eating flesh.
Mercifully, in a few years, meditation happened to me. As my practice intensified, I observed a gradual fading of my lust for non-vegetarian food. I would not salivate at the sight of meat dishes. I was employed in a company which served meat every day at highly subsidised rates, but I was unmoved by the sight as well as the offer. Moreover, even if I ate meat by accident, I would feel queasy for a long time. My mental and physical vibrations were not in alignment with the vibration produced by meat. I felt cleaner, mentally sorted, and more grounded with my new food habits.
Finally, my mind and heart were on the same page. I had tamed the galloping horses of sense pleasures with the help of God.
Editor of Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately.
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