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• Journey Oct 2019

My best friend

Friends come and go—even the best of them. But the Divine is, and will always be, your closest companion, realised Shivi Verma

I am a bit of a loner. There is nothing more that I look forward to than being alone in my own company. After a hard day’s work, the privacy of my bedroom and the warmth of my comfort zone attracts me the most. I like to unwind and relax in my space, with only silence and breath for company. Though I know many people, I prefer having a deep bond with a few select ones to having many shallow relationships. So in a way I am an introvert. 

But this temperament has its downside too. Relying only on a few for company and being averse to having a large circle of friends can also leave you feeling lonely, if, for some reason, dear friendships fall apart.

Something similar happened to me a few months ago. A childhood friend was like a soul-sister to me. We grew up together and had never had any fights worth remembering. No matter how much physically apart we were, we knew that we were always there for each other. There is great warmth and comfort in knowing that you have someone who has absolute faith in you and does not judge you for your beliefs and decisions. What mattered most was the unconditional acceptance both of us had for each other—a space where we could relax and be ourselves without any fears. And even though our values differed, we made up for it by understanding the other’s perspective. Relationships like this happen and cannot be wilfully created. Yet, as my father says, “Relationships come with their own expiry date,” and my bond with her too met its culmination. Our dissimilar values came to a head, and despite all attempts, the boat of our friendship sank and could not be salvaged.

I was faced with the scenario of being in this world without an emotional anchor, a close-confidante, and a friend-for-life. I thought of many options but none appealed to me. I realised that I cannot create the same level of trust that I shared with her, with anyone else, although I could always increase my circle of friends. Yet, a strange silence within me told me that it was over. Both of us needed to be on our own to take stock of our lives and were not on the same frequency as before. But I had still not arrived at an answer regarding having a best friend.

And suddenly, like a flash, the epiphany happened! The only best friend who would never abandon me or outgrow me was the Divine. How could I miss noticing this fact! I could not believe that I had overlooked the biggest reality of my life! How, in the greatest confusions and turmoil of my life, I had turned to Him for company, guidance, and advice, and He had never failed me. He had held my hand in every moment of life, making me see the larger picture and do the right thing. He knew about my inner world much more than I did. He knew when I was paying heed to his prodding and when I was getting lost in the labyrinth of my own inimical mind, and how He created circumstances that compelled me to understand His messages. Suddenly, my concerns fell away and an ineffable joy replaced them. I was not alone. I had never been alone, and none of us can ever be alone if we recognise who our best friend is, lifetime after lifetime.