My mother and others
Though plagued by relatives out to dissect her motherless existence, Jamuna Rangachari nevertheless found herself nourished by a network of mothers.
Jamuna’s mother Lakshmi: Beauty with brains
When I was just two, my mother Lakshmi passed away due to unknown reasons. I was brought up by my nani-nana (maternal grandparents), aunts, and uncles. I must say I had a wonderful childhood as everyone played a role in bringing
me up, and in teaching me many things. The problem was ‘the others.’ “Lakshmi’s daughter?” was the first question people used to ask me whenever they met me
anywhere in our family circle. Some would insensitively add, “She does not have her beauty and colour, poor girl.” My mother was a classic beauty in her youth. It is true that I looked more like my father. Even so, there is nothing wrong with my features, but having a dusky complexion is inexcusable in South India.
Even more than my looks, people dissected me and my life. Some showed compassion, but most were unabashedly curious, surveying me as if I were a character in a movie. This was the reason I always avoided family functions, for while I was just Jamuna to most people, to my relatives at family functions, I was Jamuna, the motherless girl. People I hardly knew wished to take a picture with me, in a display of fake compassion. I would just run away whenever some unknown aunty wanted to pose for a picture with me. To this, again, there would be tuts and whispers.
My mother was trained in classical music and was a gold medallist from Delhi University. Consequently, people would ask me to sing and would feel I was not up to the mark, criticising the raag (musical mode) and taal (rhythmic pattern). So, very soon, I would just say that I didn’t sing, when people asked me to do so at family events.
I do like singing. though, so I did sing, though only in my friends circle and at home. In fact, my nana, a renowned classical Carnatic music singer, even composed simple songs for children to make the genre accessible to all, and I was very much a star singer with him.
Meanwhile, I acquired a second mother when my father married much later, and the next gossip was about my poor stepmother, a nice lady who
is a great friend of mine. She treated me just like any other young girl, without fake sympathy or drama. There were no issues there, much to the disappointment of people who expected us to be at loggerheads with each other.
Another mother whom I had for a long time was my late mother-in-law. She and I bonded very well from day one, and as I had an early marriage, she taught me many things about life and about managing the house and children too.
My mother-in-law was a truly compassionate human being who often asked me to take a break from house work, especially when I was working in the software field when my children were young. My husband was often away on sailing as he was in the Indian Navy. She would tell me to ask him to spend more time with the children and help when he was at home, rare for a mother-in-law.
If there is one thing I have learnt from being a motherless child, it is the difference between real and fake concern. But perhaps what has held me in greatest stead has been the experience of always being looked after by a higher power. It has filled me with hope and faith, and it helped me to forge a real connection with all my mothers, whether on earth or in heaven.
Jamuna Rangachari, the former assistant editor of Life Positive, has authored two books for children, and compiled and interpreted Teaching Stories-I and II for Life Positive. Write to her at jamunarangachari@gmail.com