My personal treasure trove
August 2017
By Shivi Verma
When Shivi Verma discovered the treasures within her heart, the glamour of the outer world lost its hold on her
The inner world is the biggest treasure one can possess. I was a lost child of destiny before discovering my inner world. I wanted to be wealthy, successful, happy, loved, and always right. And none of these things seemed within my grasp and control. Not doing the right thing and being told that I made a grave error of judgment was my achilles heel. I could flog myself endlessly with this whip and almost die of guilt. And loving people along with their flaws was something I had not learned, therefore loving relationships too eluded me.
Looking at others, more well to do people used to fill me with a yearning to have what they had. Pretty clothes, a fancy address, parties, chauffeur driven cars, lots of money and high rank in the society to feel superior and better than others. I envied those who seemed to have them and often felt that they were more fortunate. Though my parents were quite indulgent, they also drew clear lines, which we had to honour. We could never splurge, go on costly vacations, and had to adjust with what could not be afforded right away.
This filled me with a desire to earn so much money that I never had to think twice before spending it. To my surprise, as I grew up I realised that though I liked having money I did not have the passion to pursue it. I found it stressful. So would I have to contend with unfulfilled desires just because I did not have the inclination to go after money? This thought always bothered me and gave me stress. On top of it I was an atheist, so my thought process too was mostly critical about the world, filling me with despair.
At the end of my wits trying to make sense of life, I stumbled upon meditation by some Divine grace and took to it like a fish takes to water. When the Divine began to respond, I felt that I had discovered a magic wand. All I had to do was connect with Her and She would open all blocked doors of success and happiness for me. Spellbound like the child hearing the Pied Piper’s tune I blindly followed Her, mesmerised. And then after sometime I realised that connecting to the Divine was not akin to discovering a wish-fulfilling tree. Because She was not that. She was a Master with Her own plans and they were much bigger and greater than what I could imagine.
She was not interested in outer jewels and luxuries, because they were material and ephemeral. She wanted to give me that which couldn’t be depleted. She wanted me to rise in greatness, nobility, strength of character, passion, faith, virtue, generosity, compassion and sensibility. And I was hopelessly in love with Her to leave Her just because Her plans did not match mine.
As my connection with Her deepened, I realised that the only thing which I now deeply cherished and liked above everything else was spending time with Her. The only thing which fills the empty chalice of my heart is Her silent presence within the temple of my mind and body. Busy with numerous demands of work and social life, what I long for is time alone with Her. When I sit in silence, and begin my talk with her, She envelops me like a warm blanket woven of love and exclusivity. I feel Her sweetness filling my mouth, Her stillness permeating my ears and her life force gently entering and exiting through my breath. And in comparison to this invaluable experience everything else pales into insignificance. If I was looking for a treasure trove, I have found it and will exchange it for nothing in this world.
About the author
Editor of Life Positive, Shivi Verma is a devotee who found all her answers in loving God passionately.