By Suma Varughese
Her resolve to never take a major decision based on emotion has made all the difference to her life, says Suma Varughese
If there is one thing I overwhelmingly am, it is emotional. Emotions have swung me up and down and round about. Yet through it all, I have hung on to one strong resolve, which is that I would not make any major decision based on emotional reasons. This one factor has made all the difference in my life. All around me I have witnessed people taking decisions based on the wrong reasons. Throwing up a job because of a fight with the boss, an attack of boredom, or an inability to cope. Terminating relationships because of a bout of blah, a misunderstanding, or a burst of anger.
Most people interpret problems in their current scenario as a signal that they need to leave it. However, according to me, that is not productive. Problems actually tell us that something is wrong with the way we are approaching the situation, and give us an opportunity to change ourselves.
Refusing to make emotional decisions forces us to stay with the situation and work on ourselves. And that is why it builds up one’s muscles – of acceptance, of self-improvement, adaptability and above all, of commitment. No matter what, one hangs in there and sure enough, the storm eventually passes and has left one stronger.
Most of us can do almost anything with relative ease for a brief period, whether it is bonding with someone, taking care of a baby or a pet, or taking on a job. It is in the long term that we are tested, and that is why it is so important to stay put even if every fibre of your being wants out.
In my 19 years on the job I have weathered my fair share of challenges. Financial instability for a trailblazer like Life Positivewas a given from the word go, and offered me a great opportunity to cultivate faith in the Divine. Looking back, I am awed to see how well I was taken care of financially over these years. Never once have I had to borrow money from someone, or go without the essentials. And when I needed more, it always came.
I have also edited the magazine single-handedly for years at a stretch. Though hard, the experience gave me the confidence I needed to recognise that no matter what happened, I could take care of the magazine, and ensure that it came out on time.
If I have lasted 19 years on the job, and if my relationships are intact, it is because I don’t take emotional decisions
I have had battles with colleagues that were emotionally debilitating, but once again, I used the opportunity to grow, to apologize when in the wrong, and to build bridges. No matter what the provocation, and often they were grave, I have willed myself to see it through and not give up.
Even when it comes to personal relationships, I am extremely loath to throw in the towel. Yes, on occasion, I have been forced to give a few a temporary break, but rarely did I consider the possibility of being done with them. Sooner or later, I always got back to them, resolved the issue, and restored the bonds.
Does this mean one should never give up on a job or a relationship? Not at all. Often the provocation may be too hard to deal with and bailing out is probably the sanest option. This apart, there may come a time when one legitimately outgrows a job or a relationship. At such time, our own inner voice will guide us to leave them. And this guidance is peaceful, calm and certain. There is nothing emotional about it, and therefore one can safely act on it.
|Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, and Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive. She also holds writer’s workshops. Write to her at firstname.lastname@example.org|