By Suma Varughese
Suma Varughese finds that her mind and intellect are actually on the same side, and whispering endearments to each
For the longest time war has been raging between my intellect and my mind. The intellect is full of admonitions on what I should or should not do, and the mind is always disobeying these edicts, thereby inviting the wrath of the intellect upon it.
Thanks to the inner work, this war has been tapering off for a long time, but nothing quite prepared me for the moment that peace was declared. It happened thus: I had a bad stomach and I was anxious to eat light. But instead of the usual stern warning to my mind to restrain itself, I found it telling my intellect, “If you don’t want me to eat this, I won’t.”
My mind had grown up! What’s more, I heard it tell the intellect, “I want to support you in having the best possible life, so I will do whatever you want me to!”
What this means essentially is no more conflict. No more tense battles about whether I should have that chocolate or not. No more raving and ranting because I watched TV instead of writing into my journal. Yes, there are still times when the mind does err. At those times, I find the intellect saying graciously, “It is only through this mistake that I will overcome my tendency to err, so it is okay to have made the mistake.”
There are also times when the intellect does get goaded. For instance yesterday, in an absentminded moment, I found myself adding boiled beetroot into the pan without sauteeing the masala. And this after I had burned the beetroot while boiling it. I yelled at the mind, but I did it in a wholehearted, almost enjoyable way. And what’s more the mind apologised, and the intellect accepted the apology graciously.
These days I am showering the mind with compliments too. I appreciate myself fulsomely anytime I find myself aware of a quality I possess which I like. Today, I took some trouble with the way I dressed, and as I preened in front of the mirror, I told myself that yes, I indeed looked beautiful.
The relationship is only getting better. I usually struggle wih the ever-present thoughts in my head. Today, I found the mind piping up. “If you want me to stay silent, I will.” And sure enough for at least a few moments there was silence. This alignment between the selves is eliminating the resistances that had inhabited every nook and cranny of my inner space and caused me to cramp and constrict myself. I can feel myself visibly expand and flower out.
This alignment between the selves is eliminating the resistances that had inhabited every part of my inner space
As the mind happily does what the intellect wants it to do, the intellect in turn is relaxing and learning to trust and have faith in the mind. For someone whose trust in herself was almost zero, this is a remarkable shift. Confidence is on the up, and in consequence I am much more relaxed and upbeat today. Perhaps that old hyper, anxious personality will actually wither and die. I can envisage this as a very real possibility.
I have always wanted to know what it was like to have good self-esteem. Now I actually experience it. There is a gush of affection for myself each time I find the mind offering to do the very thing I have been wanting it to do, instead of opposing my wishes. Both selves keep whispering “I love you” to the other, and I know they mean it. Soon perhaps there will be only one self as both merge into each other. And peace will finally reign unchallenged in my inner world.
About the author : Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, seeker, latent crusader and Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive. Write to her at email@example.com
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