By Abhishek Thakore
Which of these is you? Abhishek Thakore draws up a handy quiz to help you categorize yourself on the basis of why you read Life Positive
Self-awareness to the New Ager is like loose change for an Indian bus conductor or weed for a wannabe rock artiste. So, in a unique initiative towards self-assessment, here is a ‘qualitative psychometric instrument’ to help you understand which category of a reader are you!
A. Present-moment-awareness junky
Eckhart may have beaten you to re-packaging present-moment awareness. But, you are here to ‘live’ it in practice. You do a 10-dayer every quarter, observe every thought, sensation, emotion, constipation, yawn, burp, and itch you experience. You read Life Positive because it gives you even more ways to practice mindfulness.
Tip: Be aware that you greedily stock up past issues and keenly await the future ones. Do not let either of these two draw you away from your present-minded focus.
B. Keeping-up-with-the-Anandas type
You are ‘in’ the circuit – you may even be a potential NAG (New Age Guru). You read LP because you do not want to be caught with a blank expression when someone mentions ‘Meta-supera quantum energetic healing.’ You also want to keep a track of what’s ‘hot’ in the market, as in which guru has been outta action and whose gyaan is doing the rounds. Tip: Do not rely on any other promotional features and spurious ads for your information – stick only to LP to enable you to make the most reliable claims.
C. Enlightenment chaser
You greedy soul! You are in queue to escape the birth-death cycle and get enlightened, aren’t you? Well, well, with every issue of LP you have felt one step closer to ‘Supreme Consciousness’ – why, in fact, the August 2008 issue actually made you enlightened for a few days too. Your dirty secret is that you renew your subscription only annually, just in case you ascend to the sixth or seventh dimensions.
Tip: In case you do not succeed in being enlightened by the year 2020, we recommend the Nisargadatta route (I am already enlightened) or UG Krishnamurthy route (what is the point of getting enlightened?). The editor has promised special editions on both these paths in that year.
D. Because spirituality is in fashion
You only skim through the first page and one column. However, you make sure you carry the magazine with you on your flights, meetings and in your D&G limited edition laptop bag. You occasionally grow ponytails, a beard and wear a chandan tikka. You love quoting that one statement of your favorite guru on every occasion. You don’t understand it, of course.
Tip: Choose the LP with the most attractive cover. Also be aware of the wanna-be-Page-3 types – they could catch you off guard.
E. The ‘Laughing Buddha’ draw
Ah! Now we are talking about a truly enlightened category that understands and celebrates the meaninglessness of life. Deeply depressed about the pointlessness of it all, you seek refuge in humor. Or perhaps, out of sheer boredom. Either way, your desire to read the column comes from an unhealed negative emotion (if you do not have one, you only have not acknowledged it yet). Once in a rare while, you even find the column vaguely funny.
Tip: This state is not going to change in this lifetime. You have truly ‘arrived’ and there is no evolving further. Keep reading Laughing Buddha.
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