By Megha Bajaj
Megha Bajaj shares three insights that are helping her to turn around a relationship
All of last week has been a little crazy for me. There has been some upheaval in one very close business relationship that has actually taught me so much about myself, about love, about working. One of the ways I always make sense of all the challenging experiences that I go through is by telling myself, Life knows you are a writer and once you deal with this, you will be able to share this with many and that is the reason you are being put through this. It works. It always works. So here I am, writing to you and hoping some of it either resonates or helps, or just makes for a fun read.
The first realisation I had is the deeper the love, the deeper the hurt. And therefore, the deeper the hurt, the deeper the love. The first part of this formula, without the other, can make one into a cynic. You start feeling, what is the point of loving so much if it can cause that much hurt? However, while going through deep pain if you can remind yourself that its cause is the deep love you have for the other, it will give you the commitment to hang in there.I held onto this insight through really painful days during which I felt betrayed by someone very close. I reminded myself, wow, there must be so much love in this relationship for me to go through so much. It brought a smile, through tears, to me.
“It took a lot for me to swallow my ego, and admit I was wrong in front of a group but if I reflect back, I honestly believe it gave my soul a huge leap.”
The second realisation I had is you do not become small by saying sorry or that you were wrong. In fact, it takes a very healthy self-esteem to be able to admit and accept you are wrong.We always want to be right. However, this becomes a huge limitation in intimate relationships. Sometimes, we want to be right to such a degree that we are willing to let go of a relationship, but not of our sense of being right. I usually see life from my perspective, and my right and wrong seem to be right or wrong. For the first time, I made an honest attempt to put myself in the other’s shoes and when I viewed things objectively (well as objectively as I possibly could) I did see some areas where I had gone horribly wrong. It took a lot for me to swallow my ego, admit I was wrong, feel small not just in front of an individual but a group but if I reflect back, I honestly believe this gave my soul a huge leap. It made me feel beautiful and strong at my core.The final realisation that I had is we need to hold on. We have become a generation that can’t bear even a few seconds of buffering. However, emotions, conflicts, and relationships, need time for things to blow over. We need to learn to sit, watch, wait. Relationships are not a 100-meter dash, but a 21-km marathon and if you rush and push you won’t have enough energy to sustain where it really counts.I took a few steps, and then I waited. I allowed the other to take a few steps, and waited.I am so happy to share that using these three insights a relationship that seemed to be on its death bed, is breathing once again. Slow, shallow breaths right now but it’s a huge improvement. I plan to stick to what I have learnt and hope, not just this, but all my relationships start becoming deeper and more beautiful than they are. Wish me luck.
About the author: Megha is, above all, a seeker. These days she is attempting to find herself in the role of a teacher through the online writing course designed by her. You can know more about her on www.wonderofwords.org
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