RELATIONSHIPS
Transcending the ego
Arun A K’s failing relationships took a turn for the better after he applied the teachings of Mahatria to his life
One of the pearls of wisdom from my guru, which has become my DNA, is “The quality with which you go into the world is the quality which you permeate the world with.” This one mantra has played a huge role in my transformation, which I keep applying to different phases of my life—professional, personal, and spiritual. In this article, I would like to expand on this mantra and the results of which are demonstratively visible in my life.
Relationships falling apart
From my childhood till a few years ago, I have always failed in handling relationships. I would get into a relationship and do a lot of things wholeheartedly with a lot of love, only to see the relationship fall apart over time. In fact, I started telling people, “As people come closer to me, for some reason they don’t like me and go away, and I think you are not going to be an exception.”
People who didn’t take it seriously at that point in time, would eventually give way, if not permanently at least temporarily. This was a puzzle I couldn’t solve until a few years ago when I came across the maxim mentioned at the start of this article while listening to one of Mahatria’s discourses. It struck me very hard the moment I heard it. Somehow, I couldn’t keep my mind away from this thought, and I started introspecting, Why am I losing relationships regularly?
Mahatria brings about a change in outlook
As an outcome of this introspection, I got a few profound realisation about myself. First, because of a few relationships which had failed in the past- and the reason for it was not only me but also the other who played a vital role in the separation- I always had the fear of losing new relationships. When I am anticipating a relationship to fall apart in spite of experiencing deeper emotions in it, all that I am waiting for is to see my fear come true sooner than later. One basic shift in the thought process which I implemented immediately was “No matter what, I am not going to hold myself responsible for any relationship which has fallen apart. Also, I am not going to be afraid of getting into a new relationship because of my past failures.” This became one of my core values, and the outcome of it was amazing. Slowly, I not only started becoming good at handling existing relationships, but I started looking forward to getting into new relationships.
The second realisation was that a few relationships which I valued the most fell apart during a few instances when the ugly side of me surfaced just to safeguard my ego, which I was not aware of at that time. In those relationships, life put me in situations where the ultimate thing I should have done was to throw my ego out and save those relationships; instead, to save my ego, I threw those relationships out.
The moment I realised it, I phoned those people with whom I did not speak for years. As I was reviving those lost relationships, I understood that they still love me the way they used to, years ago. Most importantly, they did not hate me as a person but only a few qualities of mine. To sustain relationships, one need not change themself completely, but working on a few aspects of their personality would fetch greater results.
People come with their own shortfalls, and if one can see a person beyond the negatives, almost every relationship would be eternal.
For the past few years, every time I find areas to improve upon, I immediately start working on them. But when I find the other with an imperfection which does not contradict my core values, I happily ignore it and start relating to the beautiful side of them.
The more and more I started relating to people without holding myself accountable for their unhappiness (unless and until I was completely convinced that I was the reason), the more and more I sidelined my ego when it came to relationships. I started experiencing absolute freedom in relating to people. Initially, people used to assume that I had some ulterior motive, or I was naive, but as days passed, they understood that this is my character.
Wisdom dawns
I realised, “A truly wise man knows that the world is full of wise people, not because he is surrounded by enlightened people but because he is aware of his own levels of stupidity.” So, I wanted to be that truly wise man and started seeing people beyond their blemishes, and people too started to relate to me beyond my flaws (to such an extent that, in the recent past, people have never bothered to ask even once about my skin disease, which is predominantly visible.)
All this didn’t happen in a day. It took a few years for the results to be distinctly visible, but it was worth it. I go into any relationship with little expectation, keeping my ego aside and ignoring people’s shortcomings. People reciprocate multifold. It’s mind-blowing to realise how true it is that “the quality with which you go into the world is the quality which you permeate the world with.” Always grateful to my Mahatria for enlightening me with such profound wisdom.