Rising in love
Rising in love
Jacqueline Maria Longstaff talks about the possibility of being in a relationship where going deeper into the heart creates a shared spaciousness in which selfless love blossoms
I often hear people say that if you are serious about your spiritual pathway you will not want a relationship, and yet, people keep on having them, and we gurus and spiritual teachers keep on having them too! In one of my books, “Relationship as a Spiritual Pathway: Moving from RelationSHIT to True RelationSHIP, I mention something I heard Osho say many years ago. He said that the Master-disciple relationship is the final game and that it should be played as beautifully as possible. He didn’t say don’t play it! With regards to relationships, I would also suggest playing the game as beautifully as possible. But how to do this?
As you may know, on a spiritual pathway, real commitment is needed; otherwise, people may walk away soon after the ‘honeymoon’ is over and challenges arise. On the spiritual pathway, people often surrender to a guru and to a particular teaching.
According to me in a conscious relationship, the highest potential of the relationship can represent the guru principle. The couple can surrender to this and put the potential of the relationship before individual self-centred desires. What I mean by surrender here is to consciously offer up or let go of old patterns of behaviour that do not serve the relationship. I mean letting go of emotional dramas which pull the people involved into a low vibratory state. This we could call falling in love, with the emphasis on the word falling. Stuck on a low vibratory level, it is very easy to get lost in the drama of what I often call relationSHIT! Such dramas can be consciously surrendered in favour of the highest potential of the relationship. When a couple can be together in this way, we can talk about rising in love.
Relationship was an important part of my journey and through lectures, seminars, retreats, and radio programs, I have shared insights and techniques I found useful. My teachings are for those who consciously wish to be in a relationship that will support and not disturb their spiritual pathway. I believe it was also Osho who said that the Buddha (the awakened one) is the merging of man and woman (the masculine and feminine). This can happen for those who walk the path alone and also for those committed to spiritual relationship.
The challenge of relationships
However, many find relationships challenging, and even people who have done much inner work can still find themselves feeling very vulnerable. This isn’t surprising when we see a world in so much chaos and imbalance. The astrological sign of Libra is traditionally the sign of relationships, such as marriage, that carry some sort of commitment with them. I find it interesting that every year, the New Year’s planetary horoscope for most of the world has Libra as the sign on the ascendant. Amongst other things, the ascendant shows the potential spiritual pathway of a chart. So, it seems that each year, we have a new opportunity to create harmony and mutual understanding in relationships. We have a new opportunity to balance the opposites—male and female—within ourselves and outwardly, in our relationships. I see this reflected in couples I meet around the world who, despite difficulties, are doing their best to bring their spiritual understanding into their closest relationships.
Meditate together
Whatever subjects I speak or write about, I find myself bringing in examples from the world of astrology, as it is a wonderful tool for greater self-awareness. The kind of ride you will have in your relationships is shown in your horoscope. What a relationship will look like and how it will probably unfold is shown in the comparison of the two astrological charts. A horoscope shows what we are here to experience and ultimately, to witness.
I suggest that couples regularly share a meditative space together, even if the two use different meditation techniques. This will help them to build up an energy field that can be used for many purposes. It nourishes and strengthens the spiritual link between the two, creating a connection and a neutral space beyond the emotional dramas that have to be dealt with.
For example, a couple can meditate together and then make an important decision in the clarity of this energy. They can use it to help each other heal old wounds by consciously channelling this energy to each other in times of distress. This approach can help a couple to totally accept each other’s emotional patterns without falling into the trap of mistaking them as real. The one who is more clear and balanced when the other is upset emotionally will be able to hold a clear space for the other, enabling them to more easily come back into balance. It becomes easier to let go of blaming each other and be more open and vulnerable in the relationship as there is no fear of being judged.
The third party of God
A big challenge can arise in a relationship if one or both partners embark upon an ‘extra-marital affair.’ A so-called ‘third party’ may seem to be the cause of the breakdown, but usually, the relationship has already broken down on some level; otherwise, the affair would not have happened. What I suggest to people who wish to be in a monogamous relationship is that they bring in a third party already very early in the relationship. That third party is ‘God,’ ‘The Divine,’ ‘Existence,’ or whatever term you may wish to use. One way to do this is to consciously dedicate the relationship to the highest good of both individuals. Bring the highest vibration and clarity into every aspect of your relationship. Live your highest Truth together, and when it is not easy to do so, then help each other without falling into the trap of criticizing. I suggest a good place to come from is to not try to change the other, but to be willing to move through one’s own limiting patterns and to support the other in the changes they need to make. I remember some words of a song by Gila Antara: “Let me be close to you, let me be free.”
Once two people begin to build up a strong energy field together, they can also contact it and draw energy from it when they are apart. Most people who are on a spiritual pathway and committed to realising their true nature need time alone. They need to be able to listen to and follow their inner wisdom, and this often means they can no longer just go along with something for the sake of the job, what the neighbours think, or the ideas the other has about how a perfect partner should be. When there is real love and respect, it will be a joy to watch the other grow and to inspire each other. At times, when a couple need to be apart, it is actually possible to be just as close energetically as when they are together. They can nourish the relationship by meditating together at specific times when they are apart and by each one holding the other in the heart.
God making not love-making
With awareness, sex can become lovemaking and then develop into sacred lovemaking, as a couple begins to bring a meditative energy into their physical lovemaking and bring together sexuality, the love in the heart, and meditation. Powerful energy will begin to move between them when they come together in this way. In the beginning, this energy may bring up old wounds that need to be healed. It may also happen that collective wounds appear to surface, and in the middle of deep lovemaking, one may suddenly experience oneself as all women or all men in a faraway place, hundreds of years ago. An experience of a collective issue to do with male-female relationships may arise. If the person concerned can observe with awareness and full acceptance, there can be a feeling of a kind of collective healing of this particular issue. This has been my experience.
Often physical orgasms will turn inwards as energetic experiences, and there will always be a feeling of deep satisfaction, no matter what form the lovemaking takes. The couple will glow after each meeting, and making love will become what has been described by the late Barry Long (an Australian teacher) as ‘making God.’ He described how, over 12,000 years ago, before mankind became trapped in this lower vibratory reality we now find ourselves in-- men and women were surrounded by a beautiful golden aura, and this aura surrounded the whole body. He said that today, we talk about making love, but in those days, couples came together sexually to ‘make God.’ He described how, through their ecstatic lovemaking, they recharged each other’s auras and thus walked the earth together in self-luminous radiance. He urged today’s men and women to be true to this ‘divine golden love’ and implied that this is really what is meant by bringing heaven down on earth. He actually suggested that the golden halo we see around the heads of so-called saints depict the state people fell into as the energy on this planet became more and more dense. Divine love became a spiritual ideal and not something most men and woman any longer had contact with. Hence, the halo of the saints was depicted around the head only—love became an intellectual idea.
Inner marriage
I only met Barry Long once but felt a deep resonance with many things he said and wrote. I really feel that a deep healing of man-woman relationships will form the basis of a new reality—a more enlightened society on this planet. I look forward to the time when every man will be a Shiva and every woman a Parvati, and the true meaning of the Shiva lingam puja will be understood. Here I am referring to the inner marriage of the masculine and feminine—yin and yang. When this happens, one is whole and complete within and can be in a relationship without projecting the inner man and woman out onto someone else. Then relationSHITS will be a thing of the past.
Although the lovemaking is physical, as a couple go deeper into spiritual lovemaking, there can be the experience of the physical bodies dissolving as a great sense of spaciousness arises. When you are in love it is an opportunity to be aware of your potential to rise above things which often bring you down. The partner has knocked on a door inside you, and the door has opened. But that door is always there. I often encourage people to be aware of what keeps the door open—what keeps you in touch with the heart? It may be music, nature, dance, creative activity, or silence. This state is not dependent on a partner, but a new love relationship can help you to remember the power of the love in the heart and with awareness, you can use this power consciously in all your relationships. When you rise in love the power of your love shines through all aspects of your life. If you see the importance of what it is that keeps you tuned in to the heart, you will nourish and cultivate whatever it is. This will sustain you and keep you in touch with the heart through so-called hard times.
Love yourself unconditionally
A state of unconditional love arises naturally as we come deeper into the heart; we cannot force it. However, it is important to remember that it is not really possible to love anyone else unconditionally until you love yourself unconditionally. Until this happens, you may be using others to fill up your holes and soothe your pain. This does not support Truth. It can be quite a revelation to discover the parts you expect your partner (or others) to play out for you in the movie of your life. When the other is no longer willing to play the part, there is a real opportunity for a fresh beginning, and it is then possible to have a relationship not built on fantasy. It is possible to begin to be grounded together in Truth.
The fact that I have written a book on relationship does not mean I believe in the myth of romantic relationships. However, I do know it is possible to have a relationship that allows both partners to be together in deep, unconditional love and together create an energy field that supports Truth. It is possible to be in a non-destructive relationship that supports the journey to wholeness. What I encourage is to live all aspects of life in ‘spaciousness’—not grasping onto and not rejecting the roles that play through us and the relationships life offers us. We can live lightly and sincerely, and we can enjoy or not! We can remember ‘this too shall pass’ and remember that what seems like the most horrible and the most glorious dramas (and everything else in between) all arise from the Absolute and ultimately disappear back into the Absolute. To bring this awareness into your closest relationship challenges you to live your highest Truth. Then you are truly Rising in Love