By Life Positive
Readers share the tips and techniques that have helped them solder loving and loyal bonds
We have spent 25 years of togetherness as husband and wife and have realised that its success depends on a few unshakeable principles.
We share those tips with Life Positive.
1. Unconditional love for each other.
2. Accept the person the way he is without being judgmental or analytical.
3. Have loving communication for any misunderstanding. Don’t be egoistic.
4. Nurture the relations with loving words on everyday basis.
5. Unshakable faith and trust for togetherness.
6. Have lot of humour and fresh enthusiastic energies.
7. Give space to each other respecting each other’s views, choices and feelings.
8. Compromise and adjust wherever possible. Don’t be egoistic.
9. Share your day-to-day activities.
10.Expect out of each other but do not feel irritated if expectation are not met.
Roop and Bhaven Lakhani, via email
Growing through relationships
My work on my relationships began 16 years ago with my in-laws.
I initially began with complementary healing systems and then proceeded to work on my thoughts, feelings, emotions and attitude through introspection and concepts of Transactional Analysis using the paper and pen technique.
With time, my focus was on self-enhancement rather than anything else. Surprisingly, I experienced a lot of change in parents-in-law. But things remained unchanged with my brother-in-law’s family. So I continued to work on myself hoping for a change of heart. The change did occur, but within me during an introspection. Giving the person the freedom to be or not be in the relationship was very important. This set me thinking and I realised that my brother-in-law’s family had the right to decide their circle of relationship and were free to exclude me from it. Accepting their choice set me free.
Even today, my brother-in-law’s family has nothing to do with me but I am at peace as I have accepted their decision to exclude me.
Mahalakshmi Rajagopal via mail
Freedom from bondage
A loving relationship is, like beauty, a joy for ever. But, from experience I know that we have to work on it. Make some effort to achieve it.
Allow me to introduce my grandson, a 15-year-old Arien, with Mars, the ‘God of Wars’ his planetary ruler. His slogan runs: “I will do what I want to do, when I want to do and how I want to do.” So, where do we go from here? I found the advice given in NLP books to see yourself from another’s perspective very enlightening in such situations. I saw myself through the eyes of a 15-year-old and realised that there was no rebellion there, only, a cry of his soul for FREEDOM.
Armed with this knowledge and my boundless love, it was a joyous adventure to work out a practical relationship with him.
Sumila Bahadur via email
Love happened quickly and easily to us as the cupid’s arrow struck really hard the very first moment we met. My boyfriend worked with a cruise ship and was on a three-month leave when our love blossomed. It was almost a ‘fairy tale’ come true for me and his care and affection unplugged all energy in me. But soon it was time for him to leave for Brazil for six long months. That’s when the true test of our relationship came. We had no contact for weeks and slowly it became very hard for me, as days drifted by, without any communication. Seeing me bereft of all cheerfulness, some of my friends condemned ‘long-distance relationships’ with the view that they hardly lasted and were often tainted with infidelity.
But something inside me subdued all the external voices and asked me never to give up on love. From then on I never did; in fact we never did, and our relationship has successfully sailed over four years.
Even today, when we are trying hard to get our parents’ consent to our marriage, I know inside my heart that it will work out because the secret of a good relationship is faith, honesty and the vow which says, ‘Always with you through the best and the worst.’
Deepthi Vijaykumar, Kerala
Symphony of souls
The very thought of what if I were married to someone else, sends shiver down my spine. I feel that I would have found it really hard to adjust with another person. My husband and I both have very firm personalities. You can’t easily move either of us from our ideas and beliefs. But, he has this wonderful quality of being flexible at the same time.
When we were studying together, he never hurried to know my mind. He allowed me the freedom to process his unsaid liking for me. He patiently waited for me to reciprocate and express my feelings for him.
In togetherness he has gracefully accepted my imperfections. We have had our own share of arguments. But, the quickness with which he leaves the baggage behind, gives me an inferiority complex. He finds a myriad ways of expressing his love at the most unexpected times. I have come to have such a level of understanding with my husband that so many times we find that we are having same thoughts at the same time. It does scare me a bit that my thoughts are no more secret!
But, that synchronicity is what makes this relationship beautiful and special.
Poonam Bhamba, New Delhi
My one trusted formula that pays all times for solving relationship issues is to always focus upon the other person’s good points or virtues. One must highlight these virtues in the mind. When this is done the immediate issue takes a backseat and holds little importance.
One single negative incident cannot wash away a dozen good incidents can it? That would be unfair.
This does not mean that abuse should be ignored or taken lightly. One must weigh the situation rightly and arrive at a solution.
The most important point, however, would always be, “How important is this person or the relationship to me”?
In my own life this one simple secret has worked wonders. There was a time when things were out of hand and we almost gave up on our relationship. I need to mention here that ours is a love marriage. My husband has always maintained a simple thought: “Do not praise me when the going is good and do not rebuke me when the going is tough.” In short, always maintain a stable mind.
In the 15 years that we have been together, we have been through a lot of turbulence and now finally we have reached that stable state where the above lines hold true.
A relationship saved rightly should be praised highly.
Kavita T Panyam, Hyderabad
Bond with yourself
The only secret to having great relationships is to have a great relationship with yourself. There is actually no other person out there with whom you share a relationship. The other is just perceived in your mind. If you remain true to your true self which is the same in all, you shall start relating with each and everything around effortlessly and unconditionally without really getting bogged down by duties or responsibilities. And if two people share common vision, then that relationship strengthens and evolves in a more sublime way.
Yogi Sakha, Mumbai
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