April 2023
Rishi Rathod explores why sexual energy drives our lives towards either fulfilment or depravity and how we can use it consciously to become superhumans. The marvellous paradox is that we can ‘sleep’ with our partners and, at the same time, ‘wake up’ to our Self!
The biological purpose of sex is the proliferation of species. While in the animal kingdom this activity is seasonal in nature and does not include emotional involvement or long-term association with the partner, in the human kingdom, sex is an integral part of everyday existence, dictating how we identify ourselves and relate to others.
We use sex to connect emotionally, build lasting bonds, explore different possibilities of pleasure hidden in the human body, form family units, and even get spiritual experiences and growth in some cases.
Humans have also looked at sex and its consequences as a form of responsibility. Take the institution of marriage, for example. It was created to give shelter and long-term protection to the mother and the offspring once man and woman cohabited and produced a child from the union. Traditionally, a man’s job was to provide food, clothing, and shelter not only to his wife but also to the children they birthed together, till the offspring became self-reliant. Marriage also promotes a sense of commitment and responsibility towards one’s partner and family, leading to a more cohesive and functional society.
Technological development and its impact on marriage
However, many aspects that were true for marriage once upon a time have changed as a result of technological growth. Women today are not as dependent on men for their survival. They can earn their bread and have the option of living in a secure apartment building with adequate legal protection to ensure their physical safety. They might not feel compelled to marry in order to have babies or get physical protection. Artificial insemination, egg freezing, and test-tube babies are the new realities. A woman can typically assume all the roles that have historically been played by men. This change has even affected how humans relate to sex.
The availability of contraceptives and the freedom to marry or not have made people more experimental with sex and relationships. Sex is now seen as a means of enjoyment and self-gratification rather than a process to beget progeny.
The rise of dating sites such as Tinder and Bumble has normalised the hook-up culture which is based on short-term relationships lasting only a weekend or a few weeks.
Sex can be used to connect emotionally and grow spiritually with potent divine energy to bring extraordinary transformations. Wisdom, knowledge and above all - love, pour out of this book and is ready to �low into the lives of all who read and experience it. cle is an insight. Before the insight is a seeking. Beyond the seeking is a struggle. But in the deep dark origins of human pain, perhaps an illness, a helplessness, a self-destructive despondency, is the singularly unique path forged by our own original compassionate energies to help us transcend our most debilitating weaknesses. Further down this path of letting go of our fundamental darkness, we become the lighter beings of light we were always meant to be.
When done with intention, sex may be a sacred and a spiritual exercise. Life’s beauty and pleasure are made possible through it.
The current scenario
Freedom, availability, and a plethora of options to choose from in terms of a sexual partner have led people to treat sex as a commodity. They yearn for more variety and spice demanding more orgasms, more toys, and more thrill.
Since porn uses this tactic to entice viewers, we are surrounded by a culture that supports this indulgence. Sadly, this mad race for extreme gratification is never fulfilled.
Ajay Kulkarni, 34, says that it’s a mindless cycle. “It looks cool these days to be sexually open, yet you don’t feel deeply satisfied. I often think, where is it all going to end? Indulging with multiple partners and multiple tools and techniques but reaching nowhere. How absurd this whole situation is!”’
Rashmi Singh, 34, says, “When I first started having sex, I was considerably younger, and I did it to satisfy my partner. Because I wanted to be the girlfriend, I believed that it was something I was expected to do. But it doesn’t work this way. The focus of these early interactions was more on me offering pleasure and hoping for a connection in return rather than me getting pleasure and connection. I’m relieved that time has passed.”
She continues, “As I became older and a wee bit wiser, I realised that I didn’t have to give others sex. I could opt to engage in sexual activity for my personal gain. Even though I became more aware of my body and my sexual preferences, I had never been into the idea of engaging in sex solely for sexual gratification. I yearned for the closeness and intimacy that comes from sharing sex with someone I cared about. Today, I see sex as a means of reconnecting with myself and the Divine— God, Goddess, the cosmos, your Higher Self, or anything you might want to call it—as well as truly connecting with another human. When done with intention, sex may be a sacred rite and a spiritual exercise. Life’s beauty and pleasures are made possible through it.”
From her story, I realised that the intention determines whether sex is a physical activity or a spiritual practice. Casual sex is like listening to music on a recorded medium, whereas conscious sex is like watching a live
musical performance with the person you love. People prefer the first one because it is easily accessible; however, when you experience the latter, there is a considerable shift in your approach towards sex.
Luckily for the people of this subcontinent, there are great scriptures to get guidance from, such as Vigyan Bhairav Tantra (a Tantric text), Kamasutra, and Ananga Ranga. The purpose of this article is not to prescribe methods from such scriptures but to understand the fundamentals of sexual energy and how to use it to live a deep, intense, and fulfilling life.
The importance of sex in a healthy relationship
“I think sex helped us form a close friendship,” says Monisha Bhargav, 36, from Pune. “Despite the fact that we were partially in love, we weren’t all that close. Sex brought us closer. It opened
There are great scriptures to get guidance on sex our brains, and we started spending a lot of time together. You’ll eventually appreciate the entire process, while it initially feels novel.”
Despite the freedom available to men and women to experiment with sex and partners, marriage is still a sought-after option for people looking to enjoy a stable, happy life. Furthermore, the probability of accessing higher joys of sex is possible only when one has a committed partner who is open to experimenting.
Monisha believes that arranged marriages can have more sexual content than love marriages as there is an element of surprise and suspense in them like in a thriller movie. Whereas, in love marriages, couples are already familiar with each other taking the novelty and anticipation away from it.
She adds, “Not that our lives have been without difficulty or that we have never disagreed. Our frequent fights—some of them major—have led to my brother-in-law calling us Tom and Jerry. We went through our silent periods, have had heated confrontations, and experienced everything that a typical married couple does and will continue to experience. However, we also have and always will have love.”
Everyone enjoys intimacy and being close to their lover. Being in a physical connection makes one feel fulfilled and cherished. When you remove sex from marriage, all that is left is what you can do with your friends. A happy marriage depends a lot on having good sex.
Mismatch in sexual desires
Sadly, not all marriages succeed; or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that not all couples reciprocate or engage in sex as intended or wanted by their partner.
An incompatibility in sexual desires can strain the relationship betweean a husband and wife
A post went viral on social media a few years ago when a woman shared an email her husband sent her shortly before she left for a business trip. The email included a spreadsheet in which the husband had methodically noted every time he had attempted to initiate sex with her and the reasons why she had declined.
The internet was divided on the subject; some supported the wife and thought this was a petty and childish move, while others (mostly) sided with the husband, who was clearly upset.
No matter what, it did serve to highlight the importance of sex for a happy married life.
Everyone has needs. If a person’s need for sex is not met, it will inevitably manifest in other ways, such as bitterness or, as in the case of the above example, passive anger. Sexual need is as valid as the need for food or water. Therefore, it’s understandable how a lack of sex could eventually lead to the dissolution of a marriage. Many people feel that when they are not under the strain of a job or family, sex is the only time they can truly connect with their spouse.
It goes without saying that everyone has different sex drives and that no one should be forced to have sex against their will, yet it’s undeniably devastating to be rejected by your spouse repeatedly for seemingly insignificant reasons. In order for a relationship to succeed, there must be clear and honest communication about this, as well as an effort to strike a balance that is beneficial to both parties.
Ideally, sexual intimacy should occur when both parties are ready. There are instances when one feels pressured or deprived sexually, and this creates the groundwork for future issues in the relationship. On the other hand, sexual compatibility is by far the most crucial factor after trust for a healthy marriage. There can be a compromise from both sides if you and your spouse do not have the same libido, but it is preferable to get married to someone you are compatible with from the get-go.
What do the experts say
Sex educator and intimacy coach Molly Carter concurs with the ideas raised above. She believes that good sex is one of the most
crucial ingredients of a serious, long-term relationship. It’s one of the best measures of marital fulfilment since it encourages deeper emotional connection between partners.
Molly says that the aspect of sexual compatibility in a marriage should not be disregarded because, if overlooked, it might cause a lot of stress and abrasion in the relationship. When one person wants sex but the other doesn’t, it causes more than just sexual annoyance. Because sexual activity is never solely sexual. Even if you believe it’s simply about getting your rocks off, there is much more to it than that.
Dr Jain, 48, from Mumbai says that he has a good sexual appetite whereas his wife, who is also a doctor, has very low sexual desires. Their relationship, as a result, has hit rock bottom. He misses sex.
According to Molly, the issue is more complex than just brain chemicals in cases where one partner is missing out on sex. It emotionally affects people and can seriously damage their self-esteem. The rejected spouse is left feeling empty and abandoned. They sense that they are not welcome. They feel undesirable and gloomy. They yearn for touch and miss intimacy. Their ego views their partner’s lack of libido as a slight against them personally. This gradually turns into resentment, eventually eroding the very foundation of marriage.
From this perspective, sex in marriage is paramount. Sex keeps your body and brain healthy, and can even increase your lifespan! Molly says that there are many benefits of having sex for both men and women:
• Regular sex prevents problems related to blood pressure and the heart. The blood
circulation in the body increases, the skin starts glowing, and there will be no complaints of insomnia.
• A healthy sex life improves the immunity of both partners because happy people have greater immunity. In fact, during sex, a hormone called oxytocin is secreted in the body, due to which the feeling of happiness surges in both men and women. A person with low levels of oxytocin is more likely to be divorced.
• A woman’s self-confidence endures when she receives consistent physical support from her husband. Similarly, when men are sexually fulfilled, they feel more confident at the workplace too.
• Sex is an effective pain reliever and provides comfort to both partners.
• Women who engage in sex often become adept at the art of lovemaking and so do men.
• Women get irritated and ill without sex and are unable to comprehend problems well, and if they do, they are afraid to voice them in front of others. Men, on the other hand, might feel anxious and frustrated, and have trouble sleeping without enough sex in life.
• Sex prevents women from experiencing depression. Note: Don’t draw any conclusions based solely on the symptoms of the above ailment because it could possibly be caused by other factors. Only sex, which takes place with the woman’s consent, is good for her.
• Regular sex is one of the best cardio exercises for men to keep their hearts in fine fettle.
• Men who have regular sex have a lower risk of developing prostate cancer, particularly advanced or high-grade prostate cancer.
Lead story 35
Sex and spirituality: how they are linked The most common misconception about sex is that it is impure or immoral. Contrary to this belief, sex is sacred. As I’ve become older, I’ve come to appreciate the depth of knowledge our ancestors and spiritual teachers possessed when they wrote scriptures on sex. When I realised that sex is a pure cosmic force and that engaging in it physically establishes a direct link with the Divine, my entire worldview transformed.
When we are immersed in heightened sensory experiences of a sexual nature, we lose track of time and feel ecstatic and blissful. Maya is the force of nature that keeps us engaged in the world outside, and all spiritual practices aim to help us turn our gaze from the external to the place within. Disengaged from the external, we experience the Self within, whose true nature is bliss, or ananda. Even a microsecond of disengagement with the world during a spiritual experience makes us forget our ego and gives us a foretaste of that bliss that is our true nature. This occurs frequently when we are moved by music, overcome by bhajans (devotional music), or even breathtaking scenery. The forgetting of the individual self is the beginning of ecstasy. Sexual orgasm is the purest form of this forgetting of the ego on the bodily level and is, therefore, a window into our spiritual possibility. In the words of Osho, “The body can become a vehicle to that which is beyond the body, and sex energy can become a spiritual force.”
Sexual, spiritual, and creative energies are all, in my opinion, aspects of the same whole. You will be sexually expressed if you are creatively expressed. Osho says, “With less sexual energy, less intelligence exists; with more sexual energy, more intelligence, because sex is a deep search to uncover, not only bodies, not
36 LifePositive | APRIL 2023
only opposite-sex body, but everything that is hidden.”
Our sexual energy is a precious resource that has to be handled gently and lovingly. We will feel worn out and miserable if we waste it or use it with individuals who don’t care about us. It’s the same as spending money on items we don’t need because we’ll have nothing in the end. But if we use our sexual energy sensibly, we may harness a strong force that improves both our individual lives as well as our relationships with others. In addition to feeling fantastic after conscious sex, we also get a chance to work on being present, connected, and devoted to our partner.
Sex as a spiritual experience
What popular culture tells us about sex is Sex is a pure cosmic force
Sex ia a pure cosmic force and that engaging in it physically establishes a direct link with the Divine, my entire worldview tranformed.
different from sacred sexuality. In today’s society, sex has been reduced to purely physical gratification.
Individuals frequently view sex as an object, masturbating while watching it casually, as in porn. This strategy might result in an orgasm, but it can also be fleeting and animalistic (one lasts only for 22 seconds on an average). This method of enjoying sex pulls us away from both our genuine selves as well as the present moment, which is the only reality. The real objective—the potential of sex to be a bridge to our souls—is always present in us.
We have had too low expectations from sex for far too long. It is a strong energy that has more potential to enhance our lives than we are aware of. What if having sacred sex led to a level of intimacy with your spouse that you never knew existed?
Transcending sexual energy
Let’s explore sexuality in a whole new way. To begin with, you should understand that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and that you were made according to a divine blueprint. Accept that this includes sex as well.
Recognise that your companion is also an expression of the Divine, just like you. This includes even a partner who irritates and tests you. Broaden your perspective and let go of whatever preconceived notions you may be having about them. Consider having sex with your spouse as a sacred act of worship. Make sure to exercise your devotional muscle because you will only get what you put into it. It’s okay to fake it till the time it becomes your second nature.
By holding your partner in this ultimate vision, you will be loving them as the highest expression of their divine Self. This is truly divine essence in action. Create an environment in which sacred sex can flourish. Engage the senses. Make use of soft pillows, blankets, flowers or petals, music, and candles. In brief, prepare the room as you would for meditation.
Master’s advice for multiple orgasmic experiences
Master Mantak Chia, the creator of the Universal Healing Tao System and Tao Yoga, has assisted hundreds of people transform sexual energy into spiritual experiences. Based in Thailand, he has developed specific training methods to help people experience several orgasms without ejaculation from a single instance of sexual intercourse.
According to Master Chia, our attention, or brain energy, is the key to converting sexual energy. He believes that sexual drive, just like everything else, is a form of energy, which gives desired results if you know how to work with it. In an interview on How To Become A Sexual Master: The Multiple Male Orgasm Explained on YouTube, he says that 95 per cent of our brain energy is utilised in the external environment or at work. If we could redirect this energy inward, we could reconstruct our internal organs and everything that moves within the body. Sadly, we are now losing 95 per cent of it outside. And because of this, the brain is in big trouble. People are disoriented, perplexed, and clueless. We are getting sicker and sicker because we are focussing our brain energy on other things rather than our bodies.
Master Chia says that our energy flows in the direction of our attention. He advocates preparing the body for this transcendental experience. The first step is to identify your pelvic floor muscles. This muscle is the same one you use to stop the urine while urinating. After you’ve identified the muscle, you must squeeze, hold, and release it. This is called the Kegel exercise. During the day, you can perform it while sitting or standing. Master Chia recommends starting cautiously and working up to 300 repetitions to master control over this muscle.
Visualisation
The energy is then drawn up from the base of
Master Mantak Chia helped hundreds of people transform sexual energy into spiritual experiences. your root chakra to your abdomen, then to the heart centre, and finally to your brain through visualisation or meditation. We must practise doing this during sexual intercourse once we have mastered this technique. We must stop mid-intercourse, perform the Kegel exercise to control the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), and then direct the energy towards whichever organ we want to in order to avoid reaching the point of no return (ejaculation). Beginners should start at a low-risk zone of 80 per cent while they are still in control and feeling great rather than reaching 90 or 95 per cent towards ejaculation and then doing this exercise. With regular and sincere practice, one can master control of the ejaculation force and direct the same to higher chakras (subtle energy centres) or internal organs. This process helps improve the functioning of organs to a great extent, and one can live disease-free for much longer. However, the time frame may vary depending on individual factors such as dedication, consistency, and prior experience with the skill. It is important to set realistic goals and track progress regularly to stay motivated.
According to Master Chia, a man is thought to ejaculate 6,000–7,000 times on average throughout his lifetime. It’s important to remember, though, that only a small portion of these ejaculations are required for reproduction.
Although Master Chia’s talk was on achieving multiple orgasms, in essence, it is all about holding your semen and not releasing it. This is nothing but practising Brahmacharya in the Indian context. It is a kind of sadhana (spiritual practice) for many seekers on the path of Self realisation, especially those who do Tantric practices or follow Brahmacharya, where one holds the semen during intercourse and does not let it out. In fact, my guru Maiyaa, gave us a meditation technique where we have to visualise and raise the energy from the root chakra to the heart chakra, transforming it from sexual force to love and compassion.
In normal intercourse, the orgasm one feels is nothing but a glimpse of bliss. But because we lose energy, we feel drained. Master Chia says that most people deplete their sexual energy reserves throughout life without replenishing them, which leads to numerous health issues. Whereas, he says, “If one knows how to maintain orgasms for long periods of time, the universal and earthly forces can be activated and combined to facilitate higher bliss, which is a powerful healing and revitalising energy.” He further adds, “If the sexual energy is directed upwards, it extraordinarily heightens all mental and physical faculties.” Pankush (digital name), a student of Master Chia, says, “I have been practising sexual transmutation for three to four months and have seen considerable positive changes in my work and energy levels.”
This concept is not new and has been practised in various cultures for centuries, such as in Tantra and Taoism. By harnessing sexual energy, individuals can tap into their inner power and achieve a deeper connection with themselves and the world around them. Hopefully, humanity will wake up sooner than later to harness the life it promises to all.
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