Self-discovery
From FOMO to JOMO
Weary of playing the falsity game, Sonali Nair comes to her senses and strips of the veneer that was preventing her from living a happy, meaningful and fulfilling life
“True transformation is when your own past looks like someone else’s past.”
—Mahatria
Life is a journey and, en route, each one of us goes through experiences. Most of these are beautiful, and few are not so good. Some experiences are repeated until we learn the lessons they want to teach us. Once we have learned the lessons, life knows that we have mastered the art of overcoming such situations and stops putting us through similar ones while adding new experiences required for our further evolution.
As a child, I always felt the need to be wanted, which grew bigger in my youth and then carried over into my adulthood. I never realised that in the process of trying to be important in the lives of others and to be counted in the crowd, I had learnt to fake it. I moved far away from my original self. An imposter personality was built, which even I started believing to be the true ‘me’.
People pleasing It began with giving up my likes and dislikes and went on to prioritising others over myself, compromising on my values, and at times, going to extremes to not lose the relationship. All the important things in my life took a back seat because I placed others’ wants before mine. For example, being born in a Marwari family, I was never exposed to eggs, let alone non-vegetarian food. But just to be part of the friend circle, I tried eating eggs.
The fear of missing out (FOMO) made me so insecure in my own home (my body) that I needed validation all the time. People’s opinions mattered more than my gut feeling. I tried everything to retain people in my life and, in turn, to be retained by them. I thought that doing all of this would make them love me, but I was wrong. Honestly, it never worked.
This made me feel victimised, not loved, and lonely. Life seemed hard on me, and I couldn’t stop complaining. All the time, I was trying to
The fear of missing out made Sonali insecure and she needed validation all the time find someone to blame for my condition, until one day when I heard my guru, Mahatria, say, “Enough! Stop blaming the world and God for everything. Grow up and take responsibility for your life. You are the co-author of your life. Own up and hold the pen. Write your own story. You are the one who can define what you want your life to be.”
Mahatria asks people to take responsibility for their lives Taking charge of my life That day, I took the first step. I wrote down all that I felt was disturbing me—what was not okay in my life. Why was it not okay? I realised how much energy I was wasting to be liked and loved by others. The fact was that I did not love myself enough. I rejected my own self so much that it made others reject me. My journey of accountability began, and I learnt to celebrate myself as I was, changing my approach to life and relationships.
I learnt that the energy it takes to react to every bad thing that happens to me drains me and stops me from seeing the other good things in life. Trying hard to ‘win’ anyone is just a waste of time and energy, and it fills me with nothing but emptiness. I didn’t need people to make me feel that I was good enough. In fact, people cannot make me feel good enough because
Writing down her worries made Sonali take charge of her life their opinions will keep changing with time. When I reacted to things that upset me, I gave power to the other person’s emotions and opinions. Not reacting doesn’t mean I’m okay with things. It just means I’m choosing my peace of mind, and I don’t need more drama. I don’t need fights, arguments, and fake connections. Sometimes, not saying anything at all says everything. If there is trust in a relationship, no explanation is required.
No amount of people-pleasing will make them love and respect me. It won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes, it’s better to just let things be. There is no need for conclusions after every discussion. It’s okay to let people be. No need to fight for closure; let it go. Don’t ask for explanations, don’t chase answers, and don’t expect people to understand where you are coming from.
Trying hard to ‘win’ anyone is just a waste of time and energy, and it fills me with nothing but emptiness. I didn’t
need people to make me feel that I was good enough.
The joy of JOMO
Today, I am in a state of complete JOMO (joy of missing out). I choose where I want my energy to go. I choose whom I want to spend my time with. No one can give me a complex or FOMO. I feel complete unto myself. This does not mean I don’t need people around me. Of course, I do, but only those who fill my life with positive energy and whom I am able to vibe with.
Things which bothered me or gave me FOMO made me react in very drastic ways. I would get upset, angry, or sad. It would bring me to tears at the drop of a hat. I would start doubting myself and feel guilty for my behaviour. I always felt that I needed corrections. I was the troublemaker. Today, when I own up to myself and love myself, I see things from a different perspective.
Adopting a rational view
I have a very rational, unbiased way of seeing situations. For instance, if I am not invited to a birthday party, to which I feel I should have been, I smile and tell myself, “It was not meant to be.” I don’t feel bad or left out anymore. I also realise that people who love me will love me as I am. With all my good and not-so-great qualities. They will want to be with me and share their time and happiness with me. They will celebrate every small victory of mine. Appreciation will come in various forms.
We have to be very mindful of what and who should have our time and energy. Life is better lived when we don’t centre it on what’s happening around us. Instead, when we focus on what’s happening inside us, we start living in awareness. When we work on ourselves and our inner peace, we come to realise that not reacting to every little thing that bothers us is the first step to living a happy and healthy life.
The higher my energy and vibration, the more I am attracting people who are in the same realm of maturity and spiritual growth as I am. Your vibe attracts your tribe. I am so happy, peaceful, and centred due to these small changes in me.
How about you? Ready for the journey from FOMO to JOMO?
Dr. Sonali Nair, a cosmetologist by profession who worked through her practice to lift the spirit of humans especially women. , She contributed to the society through con ducting subject plus sessions in various schools and colleges in Pune for young adults to develop their selfawareness, confidence and have a greater vision towards future.