November 2023
Embracing my shadow side
By embracing all her rejected parts and giving them loving acceptance, Suma Varughese is reaching a greater level of integration
In the last few months, the one practice that I have been dedicatedly following is to work towards accepting all my thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. The practice is simple. Each time I become aware of a thought, feeling, or physical sensation, I affirm that I accept it. Slowly, I begin to add other strands to this affirmation as I become more aware of them. One is that all of them are coming up for healing. They are active because I have not accepted them. I have rejected them. Been ashamed of them. Or feared them. My coping mechanism was to push them out of the periphery of my consciousness. But they still remained as aspects of my identity. I even owned them. My anger, my fear, my absent-mindedness, my poor memory, my low self-control, and my poor self-esteem. I protested when they appeared. And writhed at the consequences of the actions they incited me to take. But I was unable to rise above them. These various parts of me boxed me and limited me, determined my behaviour, affected my health and happiness, and stymied my growth and relationships.
I therefore began to realise that these rejected parts were here not only to heal but to make me more whole. All these parts of me out in the cold, not yet integrated within me, held the secret to my wholeness. Unless I was able to fully accept and assimilate them, I would be unable to lead a whole hearted life, a life where I was fully at peace with myself, had taken back my power, and felt in control of myself. Thus, the next strand of my affirmation was that they were here to heal and to make me more whole. Their showing up was valid. I had created them by not accepting them. Only I could uncreate them by taking them deep within me and giving them the space to be. Consequently, I began to utter that I validated them and honoured them. The result was dramatic. I could feel my mind expanding in deepest relief as if, finally, it had been given the elixir it had been longing for. Honouring them particularly seemed to delight it. Wow, am I worthy of being honoured? it seemed to ask. And the final strand of affirmation emerged when I began taking them deep within me and anchoring them to my breath. This movement within and going deeper and deeper into my breath is slowly moving me away from the region of the mind to the region of the body. The more I established myself in my breath, the more centred and calm I became, and the less became the tumult of the mind.
As this practice deepened, it became easier for me to be with what was. When my mind would clamour to eat a particular treat, I would accept its desire and talk to it, promising that I would do it if it really wanted it, but perhaps we could wait until the body was more able to take it. Similarly, when it wanted to watch TV or check the phone or scroll on Facebook, I was able to reason with it. The result has been a slowing of the mind. The impulses are no longer so lightning-fast that I am helpless to control them. There is, in general, greater amity within all parts of me and greater integration. And this is manifesting in a greater capacity to flow with life, to align with reality. To accept what is.
tI have a long way to go. I often slip and fall. The impulses sometimes overpower me. But when that happens, I lovingly accept them and the consequences of their actions. Only that will heal them. And make me more whole.
Suma Varughese is a teacher of words and wisdom. She broadcasts spiritual truths and a love for writing in her various capacities as columnist, writer, writing coach, and the founder-facilitator of the popular Zen of Good Writing Course. She is the former editor of Life Positive and Society
magazines. She has authored Travelling Light, Travelling Lighter, and 50 Life Lessons. She can be
contacted at sumavarughese@gmail.com
We welcome your comments and suggestions on this article. Mail us at editor@lifepositive.net
Life Positive follows a stringent review publishing mechanism. Every review received undergoes -
Only after we're satisfied about the authenticity of a review is it allowed to go live on our website
Our award winning customer care team is available from 9 a.m to 9 p.m everyday
All our healers and therapists undergo training and/or certification from authorized bodies before becoming professionals. They have a minimum professional experience of one year
All our healers and therapists are genuinely passionate about doing service. They do their very best to help seekers (patients) live better lives.
All payments made to our healers are secure up to the point wherein if any session is paid for, it will be honoured dutifully and delivered promptly
Every seekers (patients) details will always remain 100% confidential and will never be disclosed