• In :
• March 2021 LP

Healing your heart
Ajay Kalra shares different ways to turn a crisis into an opportunity for self-transformation 
 

Something happened recently that left me deeply traumatised. While I wouldn’t like to talk about what happened, I would like to share what I did for emotional healing. 

Friends
When the incident happened, the impact was so severe that my psyche was numbed. It was a biological reaction to protect me from the intensity of the emotional pain. Which was a good thing. But numbing pain is not a long-term solution. I reached out to friends and shared what happened. Gradually, the reality of the incident and the resulting pain seeped into my consciousness. 

Friends—especially those who have the capacity to listen and understand—are vital for emotional well-being. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a few of them. Talking to them helped me come to terms with what happened. Hearing the voice of a sympathetic human being when you are bruised and battered is like medicine for the soul.

Counselling
While I have provided counselling to many individuals in the past, I realised, this time, I needed to seek the help of a professional therapist. It was necessary to process my emotions and make meaning of what had happened. Being a counselling psychologist, I am aware that finding a good counsellor is easier said than done. At least the right counsellor who matches your sensibilities.

Fortunately, I knew someone who I felt would be able to help me in this situation. I reached out to her, and she agreed to offer her services. I poured out what happened and my resulting emotions of rage, hurt, grief, and loss. She helped me decipher my emotions: those that seemed rational to feel as a result of the incident and those that stemmed from my own insecurities. We delved into past patterns, to make sensible meaning of the situation. Having a good counsellor during times of emotional crisis cultivates the feeling that you are in safe hands in your hour of need.

Faith
I am not a big fan of organised religion, but I do have faith in a higher power that is running the Universe intelligently. I relate to this power in my own way. Over the years, I have personalised this power in the form of Krishna. I chant his mantra, and, at times, talk to him as though I am talking to any other human being. I journal every night by writing a letter to him.

One of the things that I do when I am in crisis is walk to the ISKCON temple at Juhu in the evenings. It is a good one-and-a-half-hour walk from my place. When I reach there, I just stand in front of the Krishna idol, fold my hands, and silently gaze into his eyes. Sometimes, I sit in the temple and soak in the vibrations of the chants of the Krishna mantra. On my way back, I visit the adjoining beach. As I walk in the darkness of the night, listening to the sound of the gentle waves, it feels as though a divine hand is applying a soothing ointment to my bruised heart. 

Writing
Writing is my preferred mode of self-expression. I always thought I would resume my writing when I start a blog along with my website. In the current situation, I couldn’t wait so long to find my expression. It also struck me that I can start writing immediately and use Facebook as a platform to share what I have written. That is how I started posting articles there. 

Writing creates coherence in a cluttered mind. It helps me sort out muddled thoughts and emotions in a logical yet creative manner. It balances the left and right hemispheres of my brain. Most of my articles are written in 15 minutes in one go. It feels as though I am pregnant with an idea that needs expression. After I have delivered the article, I feel lighter and liberated. 

Mindfulness 
This is the final and most important part of my healing process. I have had a daily routine of meditation for the past few years. It has helped me become tremendously aware of my thoughts. I realise all my suffering is only due to my identification with my thinking process and nothing else. Of course, knowing it and living the knowledge are two different things.

Of late, I am becoming acutely aware. “Aware of what?” you may ask. Just aware. I notice the body as though from a distance, breathing, alive, and pulsating. In those moments, there is no identity of a person with a past or future. Just awareness. Ultimately, I realise that the more I am caught up in the whirlpool of thoughts, the greater the suffering. The more I remain mindful, the lesser I suffer. Or rather mindfulness liberates me from the burden of self-identity with a troubled past and an uncertain future. It anchors me in Being. 

These are some of the things that have helped me to heal and recover. I believe every crisis is a blessing in disguise. When we break through the cocoon of hurt and pain, the beautiful butterfly emerges and spreads its colourful wings to take flight. Until that happens, we must learn to go through the painful chrysalis of self-transformation with dignity and silence.