Krishna, Krishna, Krishna!
Laxmi Nair has found Krishna in everything—even Shiva!
Sometimes I feel that I always knew Krishna even before I heard of him. My mother read the Bhagavatam when she was carrying me. I think the seeds were sown there—the very first impression! She is the one who introduced me to Krishna through beautiful stories of Him with Radha, Meera, Yashoda, Balarama, Poonthanam, and Sudama. My childhood favourites were those of Meera and Sudama.
Growing with Krishna
As I grew, I got to know more about Him through the Mahabharata, where His character intrigued me the most. I was fascinated to know the course of action taken by Him, and I would think of the reasons behind it, never doubting Him one bit but always trying to find the good in it (an eternal believer forever). I then delved into mythology and read about Vishnu and his avatars.
Another key influence in my life was the picture of Vishnu we had in our home temple and a beautiful statue as well. I could look at his face and feel like he was talking to me, not through words but just through his smile. When I was disturbed, happy, angry, or feeling low, He would surely know as I would go and empty my thoughts to Him via prayers. I would feel amazingly good and light after praying. His smile always had a message for me; when I was joyful, it indulged me, and when I felt miserable, it was a message about not worrying and continuing to look ahead with absolute faith. Faith that whatever had happened or was to happen was just the right path for me. I would always know that it was true when I look back at my journey so far.
During my formative years, I reached a point where I would feel guilty while praying to the other gods. There was this period when I was influenced and would pray to Shiva or Devi a lot. And, as a small child, I would think that it would make Krishna unhappy. Little did I know that all paths lead to one. With the blessings of Lord Shiva, I was available to overcome this conflicting thought on duality.
It happened when I visited Kailash, and we were asked to chant ‘Shambho’ while taking each step. Starting our trek from Yam Dwar, I consciously chanted ‘Shambho’ and tried to empty my mind of any thoughts. Coming down after a night’s stay, very tired and physically battered by the exhilarating journey, I realised that I was chanting ‘Krishna’ at every step. I felt like every cell in my body was chanting His name without any effort from my end. Imagine chanting Krishna while returning from Kailash!
I had an instant smile on my face when I realised what I was doing subconsciously, and it took me less than a second to understand the lesson that the Universe was subtly communicating to me: both Shiva and Krishna are One and the same. I felt like I had a breakthrough moment in Love when I was returning from Kailash, realising that I loved Krishna from the bottom of my heart and, through him, also Shiva, this universe, and everything within it.
I have read about Him in diverse forms—as a lover of Radha, a mischievous son of Yashoda, a protector of his clan, a strong partner of the Pandavas, and a true friend of Sudama and Draupadi.
Ocean of Love
There are times when I have not lived up to being a true devotee, as I sometimes claim to be, lost in this world of maya. However, I have found myself returning to where I had left the journey and being able to continue on it with His grace. I have looked for him in every happy as well as tough moment and found him beside me, guiding me each time. I feel drenched in His love and grace, and do not know how I can match up to His Love.
For now, all I want to do is immerse myself in those eyes and feel His presence beside me always. That is enough to take me to the end of this journey.
Krishna, Krishna, Krishna! May I always be lost in your thought alone.
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