Sharing
March 2024
Sharing
Shanti Shanti Shanti
Malathi Sriyan survived an ordeal in a psychiatric clinic to emerge from it for the better, with a deeper understanding of what peace truly is
Peace is an understanding that came to me after a lot of struggles. Today, I feel it both mentally and physically. The very essence of peace to me is a serene state of being. It came to me as part of my life journey; a transformational process.
But this self-transformation would have been incomplete without the heartaches, the helplessness, those dreams dreamt with eyes wide open, and the revolts rooted in standing up for my point of view. It led me to reality. To live a life with freedom. A life of peace. The grace of God, the wisdom of the scriptures, and the ocean called Life were my unshakable anchors to find peace.
The turning point
One unforgettable year in my life was the year 2003, when I met Baba Amte (Devidas Murlidhar Amte) at Anandwan, Chandrapur, Nagpur. He was the one who decided to live a spartan life based on the principles of Mahatma Gandhi and Rabindranath Tagore, and dedicated his life to service in the rehabilitation of the downtrodden of society—the lepers—making it the final calling of his life, the one that was beyond the ordinary.
It touched a chord deep in my heart, mind, and being. A rendezvous with a humble lawyer turned karma-yogi, ‘Baba,’ started a ripple effect in my life.
Is it possible to live a life like Baba Amte did? I questioned myself.
One day, on my way to my parents’ home at Borivali, I was tested by existence to find my answers. I too, like Baba, helped an unkempt beggar with tattered clothes and hungry to the core, who lay neglected by society. Nobody had time for his concerns, not even a glance.
I gave him water and food, washed him, and provided new clothes. But where was he to go after that? I decided to take him to my home in Bandra and then think about a further course of action. But the deed came with a twist. My harmless action of contributing to someone's life proved fatal to my own life!
Life backfires
The next day, an ambulance with a nurse and ward boys was sent to my house to shift me to a leading psychiatrist’s residential clinic. My family members actually believed that I had lost my mind and, hence, I was behaving in such a way. I was sedated and taken on a stretcher in full public view. A beautiful, active, lively human being, had suddenly been taken in a hush-hush manner to an unknown place.
The following day, when a family member came to see me, I requested him to bring the Talks on The Gita by Vinobha Bhave. I realised that reasoning with him was futile, and I had to find my way to peace in the clinic. This book would give me the support, the logic, the reasoning, and the understanding to make sense of the events that had occurred in my life.
The Gita was my guru, and I was the shishya. My reading made me deeply introspective. Reflection and deep analysis shaped my thoughts on the dualities of Life. I grabbed some writing paper from the nurses and simply started writing and writing. Trying to understand who I was, why life was happening the way it was, and what was in it for me to learn.
The unfairness of it all
I had to be absolutely attentive with my actions, words, and speech in the clinic, for I never knew which actions of mine would be taken and scrutinised through a microscopic lens. I felt as if people were targeting me and watching over me. Ultimately, I was awarded with a condition named ‘Schizophrenia with bipolar disorder.’
It was the beginning of a new journey, the destination being peace. But it was a rough path filled with lots of rocks and stones, and many a time, I had to navigate through Life with compassion, empathy, and forgiveness, not only for myself but also for all involved. I found healing through reading, writing, and staying true to myself.
In this journey of healing, of forgetting the past, and moving ahead with determination to handle shame, incompleteness, being looked down upon, ridiculed, and being called ‘mad,’ I discovered that the highest realisation for mankind is to know ‘Thou Art That.’ When I read the holy book, it told me that I was everything God was, and this brought inexplicable peace to my otherwise tormented mind and days at the clinic.
The butterfly emerges
Through all those rough days, I held onto this highest knowledge and experience that ‘The Self in Me, is the Self in All.’ I finally healed my wounds, won the trust, faith, and belief of my family, and gracefully swam through my life and my job. However, the entire experience, instead of breaking me, created me.
I realised, as Truth, I am that. I felt one with the Creator even when Creation questioned me. I felt I deserved the best even when treatment that seemed the worst ever was meted out to me. I experienced peace at its depth, but little did I expect that in the toughest of circumstances, I would hold on to it. Not just within me, but as ME.