Suma Varughese traces her evolution from Lilliputian to Gulliver
If you see problems, people, or the unknown as bigger than you, you give away your power to them. If you see yourself as bigger than these factors, you rise in your own power.
And the difference between the two states is the difference between day and night. I should know because I am transitioning from one to the other. When I first started the process almost three decades back, I saw myself as tiny, a mere Lilliputian. In my tiny Lilliputian eye, events, situations, people, and everything else loomed huge and intimidating. You can imagine how little power I had within me.
I was almost constantly in a state of panic and helplessness, absolutely with no confidence in my ability to combat this big scary project called ‘life.’ At that time, my life force was but a flickering match light. Just coping with the motions of living took all my energy, forget about envisaging or realising dreams.
As I began to work on myself, bit by the tiniest bit, I grew in proportion to the outside world. I was no longer a Lilliputian, though it certainly took me a long weary while to catch up with Gulliver. But tortoise-like, I stayed with my quest, and at the moment of writing this, I have almost become a full-scale Gulliver. Panic has almost totally left, while fear and helplessness are (hopefully) packing their bags. I am confident of my ability to cope with the vicissitudes of life, and I am slowly finding myself getting to that exhilarating space where challenges become opportunities and no one and nothing seems to be able to get me down.
These days, when I get an occasional snub, I refuse to slink away with my tail between my legs. I stay with the conversation until it is complete in my view. When setbacks occur in relationships or work, I refuse to fold like an accordion. Instead, I continue to play my music, regardless of whether there is anyone to hear me play.
Illness used to fill me with panic and anxiety because it was usually brought on by my eating the wrong food, and I simply had no control over what I put in my mouth. But this too has been changing, and for the first time, quite recently, I found myself refusing to cave in to my fears and anxieties.
Instead of being fearful about what I ate or of even fearing to step out into the rain, I decided I was not going to let anything cramp my style and that health was my true nature and, therefore, more powerful than the temporary illness. Whether this will last I am not sure, but to be able to rout my fear so decisively is a wonderful experience, even if it proves to be a passing one.
In the old days, any adverse human contact left a dent in my self-image. Now, there is a new elasticity, a robust resilience that enables me to spring back as good as new. The journey can be described in many ways—as a journey of achieving self-esteem or of building and subsequently dissolving the ego. I see it as a journey of winning back my own power. As I grow more powerful within myself, everything else diminishes in size and potency. Why sweat the small stuff?
Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, and former Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive. She also holds writer’s workshops. Write to her at email@example.com.
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