SPIRIT
Feeling Abundant
Knowing that there is enough in the Universe is enabling Suma Varughese to rest easy in the lap of abundance
A few months ago, I had the felt experience that there was always enough in the Universe. If I ran out of pomegranates or coconuts, I could always buy more; if I ran out of money, I could always make more; if I ran out of cooked food, I could always cook more. I could trust the abundance in the Universe.
Until that moment, the shadow of scarcity hovered over me. And it made me stingy, mostly when it came to material things. I would hold back from giving or give less than I should. I was absolutely generous when it came to sharing any form of knowledge, insights, or understanding. I was very clear that these were not my special property. They came from the Universe and were meant to be shared. I was also extremely generous with compliments and appreciation. I loved to see the good in others and enable them to see it too so that they could expand it further. I was also very generous with money, particularly with the underprivileged, especially during the pandemic.
This may seem like a contradiction, but let me explain that giving money was not entirely a comfortable experience. After giving away, I would be left with a sense of depletion. I was particularly possessive about a few food items I saw as essential for my survival. Since I suffer from quite a few allergies, I like to have rice, mung dal, and coconut (particularly refrigerated grated coconut) in abundance. When the lockdown was first announced four hours before it commenced, I drove myself crazy trying to stock as much mung dal, coconuts, and coconut milk powder as I could find.
Once I came home from a long trip and opened the freezer to find that my sister had emptied out most of the grated coconut. That she had taken it in order to cook for me cut no ice with me. I was pretty shirty with her and made it clear I did not appreciate her pilfering my precious resources. Unreasonable? Of course, but that is what unconsciousness is all about. I would even prevent myself from using too much of the coconut out of fear of running out! I love coconut chutney, especially with pudina (mint), but I never made it for myself until yesterday.
Since this new realisation, the last of my knots when it came to generosity has come undone. Now I no longer hesitate to give whatever is needed to be given, for I know that there is more of where it comes from. Where once I would withhold from sharing my home-made coconut sweets with my helper, I now readily offer it to her. Where once I would hold on to my poha (flattened rice dish) and upma (dry-roasted semolina dish) for the next day’s breakfast, I now freely dispense with it, for tomorrow is another day and breakfast options are many.
This newfound security has stilled the anxiety and worry that would curl into me. I no longer worry about the need to make money for my old age. Yes, I have saved some amount, and that’s enough. I have stopped fretting about the numbers in my workshop. The number I get is the perfect number for me, I feel sure.
Best of all, giving is increasingly a pure joy, unadulterated by fears and anxieties. And that is exactly how the Universe meant it to be.
Suma Varughese is a thinker, writer, and former Editor-in-Chief of Life Positive. She also holds writer’s workshops. Write to her at sumavarughese@hotmail.com.