By Suma Varughese
With an increased capacity to control her thoughts and feelings, the Higher Self is finally coming out of hiding and putting the ego in its place, says Suma Varughese
In my last column, I wrote about the amazing experience of seeing myself as bigger than any thought, feeling or physical sensations. These three aspects cover everything because all experiences or events are only communicated to us via our thoughts, feelings or physical sensations. Illness communicates as pain, discomfort at the bodily level and possibly fear, resistance, and worry at the level of feeling which creates their own spool of unending thoughts.
When someone does or says something that wounds us, it is communicated via anger, hurt and resistance at the level of feelings and a whole monologue at the level of the mind that includes angry thoughts about the person, angry words hurled at the person, demonising of the person, justification of one’s own stand and so on.
Even the biggest calamities and disasters are relayed only via thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. So if we can manage our thoughts and feelings we can manage our world.
I have been practicing this insight assiduously and I am awed by the difference it is making in my life. Yesterday, I developed a cold because I ate some chocolate. My usual reaction is to tense in fear and resistance and to berate myself for having given in to my weakness for chocolates.
When thoughts and feelings appeared bigger than me, they would overpower me
This time though I reminded myself that I was much bigger than the physical symptoms of the cold as well as the fear and resistance towards it. The result was that somewhere during the day it vanished. I am hoping that my other ailments such as arthritis, digestive and respiratory problems will also take flight when they find themselves licked.
When thoughts and feelings appeared bigger than me, they would overpower me. My body would literally bend over, submitting to their tyranny. When I declare myself to be bigger, I force the thoughts inside of me, where they manifest as the energy that helps me to become more aware, stronger and more powerful. It is no surprise that my long-standing hunch is now slowly yielding and I am becoming more erect.
This capacity to overpower thoughts and feelings is diminishing the hold of other people over me. Now that I can see myself as bigger than my hurt or anger or need for love, appreciation or respect, I do not expect others to fulfill my emotional and psychological needs as much. I can recognize more clearly that they are not in the least obliged to fulfill my agenda and that they have been given the God-given right to be themselves. At the same time, I have the right to protect my boundaries and assert myself when treated disrespectfully. However, I can do this without losing my cool or making the other wrong, and with the intention of making the relationship work better. In effect, what is happening is that the deafening din of the ego is finally getting muted and the quiet, almost effacing Higher Self is finally asserting itself. ‘I refuse to take no for an answer’, it now hollers when faced with an intractable mind unwilling to meditate or exercise. ‘My commitment is to happiness and growth’, is another credo which it trots out more and more often, muting out the ego’s clamor for pleasure and entertainment.
These are early days yet but finally, I can sense that the ego is meeting its match and there is hope for me to live the life I long to lead – committed to the happiness of others, my growth and the moment.
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