The balancing act
In the fourth and final article of her series on work-life balance, Archana Raghuram shares with us the us the power of spirituality and acceptance of the inevitable Iam back after a gap. So, here is a quick
recap of the five paradigms for work-life balance that I shared with you so far.
1. Role model rule for parenting: Being a good parent means being a good role model for your children. Be the kind of person you want your children to become.
2. Time is priceless: Time is more precious than money. Don’t hesitate to exchange your money for time. Learn to delegate. Spend time on things which add value to you.
3. The circle of influence paradigm: When you focus your attention and energy on things you can control, your ability to influence your life keeps on increasing.
4. Marathon paradigm for a career: A career is like a marathon where success is not defined by who comes first. It is not possible to sprint the entire distance. We should know when to slow down.
5. Mental diet paradigm: It is important that we constantly feed our mind with good and healthy thoughts. We should entertain thoughts which make us more positive, motivate us, and make us better people.
Today, I want to share the last two paradigms. Have you seen a tightrope walker in action? They usually hold a long pole in their hand to maintain balance. The next two paradigms are like that pole for the mind. They help retain our balance in this tightrope walk called life.
Spiritual paradigm
Neurologists say that our brains have dedicated neural circuitry for spiritual experience. There is a part of our brain called the limbic system. Patients who suffer seizures in this part of the brain often have deeply moving spiritual experiences, including a feeling of divine presence and a sense that they are in direct communication with God. The neutral forces of evolution choose to incorporate these circuits in the most important organ of our body. It just goes to show how important spirituality is for our well-being.
To me, personally, spirituality means two things: faith and surrender.
Faith does not mean that you pray to a specific god or follow a specific religion. It is an unshakable belief that there is a higher power directing the workings of the universe. There is an order and a benevolent intelligence behind the universe. Being a good person and having good values have consequences beyond what can be measured in material terms. Faith helps us develop an attitude of humility and gratitude. It is a great shock absorber, both in good times and bad. When you are going through bad times, it is a source of strength. And in good times, it helps you stay grounded. It always keeps you anchored. That is why people of faith are generally better at navigating the ups and downs of life. I want to reiterate that being religious is not the same as being spiritual. My guru often says, “It does not matter how many Upanishads you have gone through. What matters is how many have gone through you.”
How to surrender
The next component of spirituality is surrender. I define surrender as the ability to give up resistance to things that happen to us. Whatever we do, however hard we try, we cannot control most things that happen in life. Our misery is often compounded by our resistance to things that happen to us. Surrender is the ability to give up that resistance. It is the attitude of going with the flow.
I want to share with you a personal experience. Last year, I went on a vipassana meditation retreat, which is an intense meditation program. It involves complete sensory deprivation. You cannot talk to anyone; you cannot even make eye contact. You cannot read or watch TV. You cannot even pray or exercise. The first few days were hard. By the end of the second day, I was in so much pain, I could barely contain my tears. This programme was happening in Tiruvannamalai, where there is an ancient Shiva temple. I sat in my room and prayed to Shiva: “I am surrendering to you, Shiva. You hold my hand and take me through this process.” I decided to surrender to the teaching. I made up my mind to listen to the teacher with full faith and follow what he said sincerely. Whatever happens, I would not resist it.
As soon as I decided this, my headache and body pain disappeared. Until then, every nerve, from my neck to my forehead, was throbbing with pain. After I made up my mind to surrender to the process, all my pain disappeared. It truly felt like a miracle. It was then that I realised what a huge role our mind plays in our pain. Neck pain is usually a constant for me because I have cervical
spondylosis. For the first time in many years, I felt no pain in my neck. After this, I did not feel any chronic pain in my body for the entire duration of the course.
Very often, people confuse surrender with passiveness. I want to emphasise that surrender is the opposite of passivity. Surrender is like swimming with the current. Swimming requires strength and skill. It requires the ability to understand the flow of the current and skilfully move towards your destination. Passivity is like drowning. You don’t attempt to swim at all. You allow yourself to drown.
I think of spirituality as an important sense, like a sixth sense, which enables us to live our life to the fullest. Say, for example, you decide not to use your eyes. You wilfully shut your eyes and claim that sight is not needed for survival. It is no doubt possible to survive, but it will not be a full life. You can never do things or experience things that a person who has his eyes open can do and experience. Cutting yourself out of spirituality is like that. You can never really live a complete life without it.
Surrender is like swimming with the current.
Swimming requires strength and skill. It requires
the ability to understand the flow of the current and
skilfully move towards your destination. Passivity is
like drowning. You don’t attempt to swim at all. You
allow yourself to drown.
LifePositive | DECEMBER 2022
56 Life Skill 56
Acceptance paradigm
When I was a child, there was a prayer which I learnt from my mother: “God give me the strength to change what can be changed, to accept what cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The first five habits are about changing what can be changed. The last two are about accepting what cannot be changed. Spirituality is about surrender. The ability to not resist circumstances that cannot be changed. This paradigm is about the wisdom to understand what cannot be changed and accepting it so that we can focus our energy and attention on things that can be changed.
Very often, life is not fair. As women, it is possible to feel that life is doubly unfair. Our lives have changed a lot since our mother’s generation. Now, women are expected to work and have a career. But things at home haven’t changed much. Women still bear the primary responsibility of taking care of the home and children. This was very evident during the COVID lockdown. While both the partners were working, it was women who faced the biggest brunt of handling the challenges at home.
There are two ways of dealing with this reality. One way is to complain and grumble about the unfairness of life. I know couples who constantly fight about sharing responsibilities. My way of dealing with it is to accept that certain things take
time to change. We need to choose our battles wisely. We should understand that there is no point in banging our heads against the wall and that it is wiser to look for doors. We should learn to get the maximum out of life within the constraints of the world we are operating in. For that to happen, we need to acknowledge that these constraints exist and understand that some of them cannot be broken. We must learn to find our way around them.
In a sense, these two paradigms are interconnected. The spiritual paradigm gives us the strength for the acceptance paradigm.
These are my seven paradigms for work-life balance. Ultimately, we should remember that life is full of uncertainties. The choices we make are the only things that are in our control. I read this beautiful analogy in which our choices are compared to a long stick. When you pick up one end of a stick, the other end also follows. Our choices and their consequences have the same relationship. Every choice we make has consequences, both good and bad. No choice is perfect. When we make a choice, we automatically pick up all the consequences that go with it. So, it is important that we think carefully about our choices and accept the consequences with grace.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Archana Raghuram, is a YouTuber, Former CEO, United Way Chennai and Former Senior Director, Cognizant. She was awarded the prestigious Forbes India Philanthropy Award in the ‘Good Samaritan’ category by Forbes India Magazine. She was honored as “one of the 100 Most Creative People in Business” by a leading US publication, Fast Company. The Brew magazine recognized her as an Outstanding women achiever in her chosen field. She has a YouTube channel called Temples, Books and Science where she shares her knowledge on Hindu philosophy, Temples and books that are at the intersection of science and spirituality.