The light within
By Megha Bajaj
After hunting high and low for that elusive thing called happiness, Megha Bajaj finally discovered it within herself
Growing up, I was an unhappy child. I didn’t fit in my school – I wasn’t someone who could be labeled and put into a neat box. I wasn’t one of those kids who went to school, came back, played a little and then went off to sleep. I was a kid who thought. I was a kid who preferred sitting on her terrace and learning life from the sea than from the classroom. I was a kid who asked, “What is love, what is life, what is death?” even before I could spell any of these words. Growing up was happiness when I was allowed to just be, and traumatic when I was forced to go to school – or do anything which I was supposed to do.
I kept searching for happiness. I yearned for it. I even cried for it. I used to wonder, where can I find this thing called happiness? Life became a journey of relationships and the emotional highs and lows that came with it. It became a search for this thing called joy. Such a small word and when you look for it outside, it is almost invisible. Today he did what I wanted – so I am happy; yesterday, I wasn’t. Today things went my way so I am happy; yesterday, I wasn’t. Between these crazy emotions and crazier life, I tethered along, for what else was there to do?
It was only after I met my guru did I realise that happiness wasn’t something to be found on the outside; it was something that emanated from within. It was the first time I realised that I was in charge of my happiness and no one could induce it in me, or take it away from me without my consent. It wasn’t an easy journey by any standards but having undertaken it, unknowingly, from a young age itself there was no looking back.
I struggled to find joy within me. So used to so many intense emotions – sometimes positive, sometimes not _ I wasn’t able to immediately see that simple, quiet stream within me. However, meditation after meditation, listening to my guru, session after session, something began to happen.
The darkness within, the cobwebs began to clear out… a light I didn’t even know existed within, began to shine forth. Dimly in the beginning but stronger and brighter with the passage of time. I now realise happiness is the simplest, most natural, most available human emotion. It is who we are. The lesser we condition ourselves that it is impossible to reach this state, the more we allow our inner silence to speak, and the more we realise this is us.
It’s not easy. We are surrounded by a world of thoughts, information, noise, and judgments. And in all this chaos, to sit, be, and actually become who we are seems a little difficult. But it is not so. In fact, one of the swiftest ways to find bliss is to be in nature. Nature doesn’t think. Nature doesn’t inform. It isn’t noisy. It doesn’t judge. It just is. And with it, we too just become.
Somehow as a civilisation – from being completely in touch with ourselves, and having little information about the world around – we have become a generation who is completely aware of the world around but has lost touch with itself. The aim, I feel, is to find a balance. Be connected to the world with technology, attractions and distractions while being firmly rooted in the self.
Before concluding, I just closed my eyes, smiled to myself and allowed the joy within to make its presence felt. Knowing the within is smiling, I smile with you dear readers and hope sooner rather than later we all will find the light within ourselves.
An award winning author, film-script writer and poet, Megha is an eternal seeker at heart. She also empowers people to write and get published through her online writing workshop. You can read more on www.WonderofWords.org
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