The phases of love
February 2017
By Megha Bajaj
As love evolves, it transitions from the physical to the mental, and eventually spiritual level, where it flowers into devotion, says Megha Bajaj
We use “I love you” as a blanket statement… and yet as I grow in love, with myself, with others, with life itself, I realise that love is something that evolves through different stages. And to me, the highest state of Love is devotion. A state where I no longer know where I end and where the other begins. It’s a complete union of two beings.
I believe the love between two people from the opposite sex usually begins as infatuation. The way her hair smells, the way he smiles, the way she looks, the way his eyes twinkle… everything seems intoxicating. It’s love at the physical level and hormones play a large role in it.
Gradually, the love grows to become a mind love. (Of course, for some people it begins with this). It is a love based on commonality at the intellectual level. One feels connected to the ideas, thoughts, and vision of another. When this form of love exists between people in an organisation – it will flourish. In my own team I have seen this. When all of us are on the ‘same frequency’ or in ‘harmony’, we attract everything we want. When there is discordance, I have seen even the best of projects getting repelled. It’s almost as though the collective love energy of an organisation either attracts amazing breakthroughs or repels them. We keep focussing on skill sets, and bringing in new talents. However, every leader needs to look at the cohesiveness within the organisation and the ability to stand together, and attract a common goal.
In time, I have experienced mind love to grow into a deep respect. I feel this with my best friend for life, my husband, Arun. We went through stage one, we passed through stage two and now what I feel for him goes a little beyond the first two. It stems from being together, growing together, admiring each other for certain qualities, sharing a value system. This kind of love, I believe, needs some time quotient. When I saw the way Arun responded to various phases in my life – be it health challenges or relationship issues, I kept growing in respect for him. Not that at this stage there aren’t arguments or differences – but somehow one can always find one’s feet and reconcile again.
And then when respect deepens, somehow I have seen love transform into one of its most beautiful forms. Devotion. I feel this for my beloved guru. At this stage the love is completely free of judgments. It is unconditional. It is choiceless. Ceaseless. And this kind of love, I have found, is the deepest, most wonderfully ‘completing’ feeling I have ever experienced. From feeling empty – one suddenly starts feeling so, well, ‘full’. From loneliness one moves to a state of feeling ‘accompanied’ even when alone. Life becomes beautiful and the love starts encompassing every role. I now feel this for my parents too. This love is so filling, so abundant that it overflows into everything we do.
I have come to realise that no matter who we are, and what we do, or what age we are, we are all seeking love. We all love love. And yet experiences tend to make us cynical and we cut ourselves off from the love vibration, which I believe is the life vibration. Somehow, let’s reconnect. To a flower, or a child; to a pet or a spouse; to the self or God. And once we do, and love flowers within us, by its very nature it emits a fragrance that begins to attract all that we want in life. I sign off in the hope that the New Year brings a lot more love into all our lives.