April 2016
In a world where charisma, personal charm, and excellent social skills are considered the master keys to success, the silent introvert offers a contrasting paradigm, says Shivi Verma
For the longest time, I was condemned in my family for being different. I was considered odd and sluggish since I did not exhibit the traits of normal toddlers who cried, threw things, or showed high physical energy and action. I was always compared unfavourably with my socially savvy cousin sister who was a great conversationalist, and who displayed active interest in people and household activities. As a result I was in awe of my confident, friendly and outgoing peers, and tried hard to be like them. The resultant awkwardness made me even more gawky, and deepened my self-rejection. That I was a distinct personality type with a certain predisposition and slant came to my knowledge when I started working with Life Positive. Interaction with a highly aware editor made me realise that I was an introvert who derived energy and inspiration from solitude. I worked best when independent, and possessed certain gifts like the capacity to observe, reflect, calmly assess, and to be energy sensitive. People like me are selective about company and give more focus to abstract ideas than incidents and people. A trait found very commonly in writers, artists, philosophers, programmers and inventors. Though I have arrived in my journey to my real self, it is still not easy for introverts in this largely extroverted world. The introvert [The author writes how the low awareness and acceptance of introversion, make introverts at the receiving end of pressure to change themselves to suit social parameters. She throws light on renowned Swiss psychoanalyst, Carl Jung’s seminal book,Personality Types, which identified extroversion and introversion for the first time and how one is starkly different from the other.] Introverts need less stimulation, extroverts pursue high stimulation activities. Unlike extroverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expend energy in social situations. Their work styles are also different. Extroverts work faster, while introverts are slower and more deliberate. Extroverts tend to be assertive, dominant and enjoy company. They are comfortable with conflict, but not with solitude. Introverts may have strong social skills, but only among close friends, colleagues and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel that they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk. Dreamers, thinkers and creators Since introverts go within for inspiration, they have access to the fount of creativity and originality. That explains why some of the greatest minds and creative thinkers have been introverts. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin, Marie Curie, Warren Buffet, Steven Speilberg, Vincent Van Gogh, Mirza Ghalib, almost all spiritual masters, and many leaders and thinkers have been introverts. Following their bliss Introverts need space, and give space. “Since they prefer the inside world to outside stimulation, thankfully their need for fame, glamour and money is far less,” says Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Says psychologist and facilitator, GL Sampoorna, “Introverts have less need for approval and do not feel the need to conform. They are drawn towards spirituality and metaphysics, more interested in deeper aspects of life. They are in search of meaning and purpose rather than physical pursuits. They are at their creative best when they have time alone with their thoughts.” She adds, “Introverts are often intrigued by what’s beneath the outer defensive personality. This makes them keen observers of people, with a deep interest in listening to and knowing the other. The speaker often feels listened to. They think, reflect and analyse before they speak, making their input valuable. In my younger days, an image I had held of myself had been shattered. Distraught, I talked to a friend. She patiently listened to me saying very little. Finally, just a couple of lines she said released the distress, and I experienced a sense of being understood.” Innovative leaders While extroverted leaders bag deals and get high paychecks, they do not necessarily make correct decisions or add value to the company. Says Susan Cain, “Executives buying companies get so excited about beating their competitors that they ignore the possibility that they may be overpaying. Whereas introverts are constitutionally programmed to downplay rewards and scan for problems. Introverts seem to think more carefully than extroverts, pause before they act, digest information thoroughly, stay on task longer, and give up less easily.” Even in politics, the introvert can be a force. Said Mahatma Gandhi, “I have naturally formed the habit of restraining my thoughts. Experience has taught me that silence is part of the spiritual discipline of the votary of truth. My shyness has allowed me to grow. It has helped me in my discernment of truth.” The spiritual edge Since spirituality can only be exercised by going within, introverts have a natural edge here. Most of the great spiritual leaders of the world including Mahatma Gandhi, the Buddha, Nisargadatta Maharaj, J. Krishnamurti, Ramakrishna Paramahansa and many others have been loners and thinkers. The Himalayan caves are so popular among seekers because it provides them with undisturbed solitude, so necessary to go within for seamless spiritual experiences. If you recognise yourself in the above portrait, you may be an introvert. One of the most popular and perceptive tests is the MBTI test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), which determines types based on four parameters: introversion/extroversion, thinking/feeling, sensory/intuitive and finally, perceptive/judging. Says writer S. Mendes, “It was only after I took the test that I realised that I was an introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceptive type (INFP). As an introvert, I understood that depth was my strength, that my hold on facts and figures may be blurred, but my capacity to see the big picture was exceptional.” Be in balance Yet there is no such thing as a total extrovert and a complete introvert. We keep oscillating between the two swings of the pendulum. Both introverts and extroverts need to embrace their true leanings, while overcoming their limitations. If an extrovert finds that his inability to go into the depth of the problem is coming in the way of his effectiveness, he needs to work on that part of himself. Similarly, if an introvert is hobbled by his lack of social skills, he can cultivate this as a natural extension of himself. Ultimately, we need to recognise that both extroversion and introversion are unique, and play their own very crucial role. But while extroversion is well-recognised, and well-appreciated, introversion has little or no acceptance in society. The time has come for us to acknowledge their many strengths. It is the way they are…and they spread a certain kind of comfort, assurance and fragrance which is unique to them.
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