Sonee Singh’s life and relationships transformed miraculously once she tasted the nectar of unconditional love from her guru. Now bubbling with it, she shares the secret of inviting it into your life.
“Cause of all suffering is lack of love.”
It was yet another day of disconnect from the Source in my life as a single mother. My son was back from college, and as usual, with an air of nonchalance, had ignored me and headed straight to his room. My heart cried with pain.
We had been at loggerheads with each other for years. The air between us was always heavy with the load of the unspoken, and unexpressed. Days would pass but the acrimony of past arguments would hang insidiously between us.
With tears in my eyes, I turned my face away and carried on with the stack of bills in my hand. Disenchanted with life, I was usually frustrated and upset about something or the other. Life was strife with routine tensions. It was the beginning of the month and and my head was spinning with the task of paying so many bills. The fragile rope of balancing the dual role of both mother and father was stretched to its breaking point. I wanted to be there for my children, yet somewhere I was falling short due to my own frustrations and bouts of anxieties. The only thing preventing this rope from snapping was the love for blood ties.
I knew there had to be a deeper reason for this discord between my son and me. Although trying hard to give him love, I was failing miserably. At that point of time, I did not understand the basic fact of life _ that I can give only that which I have within me. I was totally mired in suffering and lack, and I was unknowingly passing on my fear and insecurities to him. I was aware of my son’s loneliness but didn’t know what to do about it. There was constant snapping, bickering and screaming in the household. The bond of love that should have developed over the years, had not. The love in our hearts could never be expressed in its totality. There was love, but it wasn't experienced.
Working of the divine grace
By happened that once, I visited guru Dadashreeji’s ashram in Karjat, Maharashtra, a few months ago on a friend’s strong recommendation. There, I felt a strong wave of love and energy that somehow quietened the uproar of my inner world. The divine connection I formed with the master triggered a wave of transformation in me which soon became visible to all those around me. I came back a transformed person; someone who was quieter, a better listener, and more patient and observant than before.
Initially, my son couldn’t fathom the reason behind my sudden transformation. I would observe him trying to gauge, “How long is this change in mom going to last?” Weeks passed and it became clear to him that this was something more definite and concrete than a mere passing phase.
My home was actually witnessing transformation. The dining table that had seen constant bickering was now experiencing communication, sharing, listening and love. The angst ridden version of his mother, the one he had grown up with, was transforming in front of his very eyes into a serene and ‘enchanted with life’ person. My loving, joyous smile, sans any shadow of ego or hurt, was becoming a regular feature. The quarrels that used to carry on for days, began ending at the table itself. He did not know who to argue with, for how long can you argue and fight with someone who refuses to take part in the quarrels?! All our fights now ended with me smiling and hugging him.
I was now sharing love in its totality with my son due to the connection I had formed with the Divine. Our relationship too underwent a transformation; now we both were experiencing freedom in love. The judgments and expectations shadowing our relationship were dropping. Expressing and sharing our inner self with each other started coming easily to us. We experienced transparency in love. Our long neglected wounds were now healing with the only medicine available _ unconditional love _ from my divine friend, Dadashreeji.
I learnt much about unconditional love from my guru. I realised that we take birth to experience love in its full capacity. We seek it in every relationship throughout our life and feel complete only when we are loved by external sources. When we say ‘I love you’, we immediately yearn to hear it back and in that moment itself we limit it. Yet ‘love’ is not limited. However, it is not something that can be experienced limitlessly and unconditionally through external factors. Love can only be experienced and felt from within our own Inner Divine self.
Express yourself: My recent tryst with my guru taught me yet another way of experiencing love and having better and fulfilling relationships. For any relationship, which is based on love, to grow in strength and bonding, the first requisite is ‘being expressive.’ Our first relationship is with our self and we frequently lie to ourselves before we lie to others. To experience our ‘self’ in entirety we need to communicate our truth and not bottle our emotions within.
Feelings of compassion, anger, love, disappointment, insecurity, fear, respect, gratitude, peace _ all should find an outlet. But often these emotions don’t find expression due to the fear of judgement and rejection from the society. Societal validation becomes so important to us that we mould ourselves according to the society’s expectations, and it soon becomes our truth. But when, armed with courage and faith, we allow ourself to express the truth of the present moment, our relationships begin taking the shape they were meant to.
Give freedom: The second ingredient needed in a healthy relationship is ‘freedom’. When we are insecure and feel disconnected from our own true self, we tend to cling to our relationships, seeking assurance, and not giving the other (spouse/ lover/ child/ friend) the space to breathe. We live with the fear of the other flying away to newer heights without us. Yet when we allow the other the freedom of flight, we also give them a chance to reach their highest potential.
It is only in freedom that we experience the truth of unconditional love. In freedom not only do we grow, but we also allow the other to grow. We must create a loving shelter for our dear ones in our heart; a place they can come to, to relax and to dock without the fear of rejection and judgment. True freedom in love is an acceptance of the other as they are without fear and doubt. Only the one who is completely at peace within and out will allow another the freedom to be.
Maintain transparency: The third thing needed in a healthy relationship is ‘transparency’. To be transparent is to be candid about our self in our relationships and communication with others. Living a transparent life is a choice we make as we let go of ego. Lack of transparency in a relationship becomes the cause of distrust and insecurity. We get used to concealing parts and later, all of our thoughts and feelings. This unclear and opaque lifestyle becomes a pattern and soon defines our future relationships, creating boundaries and limits.
The truth is that the world outside is a reflection of the world inside us. If our inner world is genuine and filled with true love, then the outer world has no choice but to emulate the same honesty and love, though it might take some time for this reality to manifest.
All of this became my personal truth only because the unconditional divine love I have received in my life. The one who loves unconditionally is the one who truly lives a life of fulfillment. A life that starts from the point when you first fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with another.
So, take the first step today, look in the mirror and fall in love with the beautiful face gazing back at you and then from those love-filled eyes look at the world and see the transformed expression of love.
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