July 2017 By Megha Bajaj Recognising the importance of setting boundaries, Megha Bajaj unearths three principles that help you in getting the treatment you deserve One of the most important things that we need to learn as adults, as well as teach our children, is how to get treated right in the journey of personal growth. To teach people how to see us. In the name of love, too many of us become doormats. We allow people to treat us any which way they want because of our low self-esteem. So beautifully Buddha put it, “You as much as anyone else deserve your love and respect.” In my journey of ensuring that people treated me right, be it personally or professionally, I have found a few wonderful tools that I would like to share. It’s OK to say No Somehow many of us believe that it is not okay to say no. We wonder what the other will think… we wonder if they will get hurt. Being able to say no is, for me, one of the best signs of being in a healthy relationship. We need to say no, when we can’t. We need to say no when we don’t want to. Be it ‘for’ a relationship, or ‘in’ a relationship, be it for something as small as a dinner, or when someone asks for your hand in marriage – the tiny decisions and the bigger ones – NO is okay. If you don’t feel it is right, you have to say it. Because if you don’t say no in a relationship now, sooner or later, the suppression will build up and make things so toxic that you will have to say no to the relationship itself. This is extermely important for our personal growth. Setting expectations straight Too often we expect others to understand what we are feeling. We want them to feel our silence. Experience our subtlety. While this would be ideal – more often than not it doesn’t really happen. The other completely misses the point and we keep seething within wondering why they are not behaving in the way they are expected to. My marriage taught me a lot in this regard. Arun and I are very different people. I am a writer; he, an engineer. I, the heart; he, the mind. I wanted him to be a lot more romantic and emotional and he wanted me to be a lot more practical. The unmet expectations started creating a havoc in our relationship. In time, with some insights from our beloved guru we started realising the importance of stating what we wanted from each other. Sometimes it is met, sometimes not. And that is okay. Important thing is to at least let the other know what you want. Build your self-esteem One of the biggest issues that the world faces today is of low self- esteem. We don’t love and respect ourselves enough. To make up for this lack that we feel within, we keep expecting others to love and respect us all the time, in a way we want. When this doesn’t happen, the vicious cycle continues and we feel even more low about ourselves. Our self-esteem is our responsibility. By improving ourselves, by working regularly on our body-mind-spirit, by ensuring that we did enough things that help us in our growth, we can start moving towards a healthier self-esteem. People who feel good about themselves – who are bustling with energy, love for life, and who are aligned with the laws of the Universe - do not feel the need to treat anyone poorly. In fact, they love to boost others. Let’s create a better world – by creating better selves, and relationships. There doesn’t seem to be any other way.
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