Discourage violence in children

Discouraging violence in children is about teaching empathy, self-regulation, and prosocial problem-solving.  

Here’s a multi-layered approach, combining prevention, immediate response, and long-term skill-building. 

1. Foundation: Create a Safe and Nurturing Environment 

• Model Non-Violence: Children learn by watching. Manage your own anger and conflict calmly. Use words like "I'm feeling frustrated right now, so I'm going to take a deep breath," instead of slamming doors or shouting. 

• Provide Consistent Love & Attention: Regular, positive one-on-one time can drastically reduce attention-seeking misbehavior. 

2. Teach Core Skills (The "What to Do Instead") 

• Emotional Literacy: Help them name their feelings.  

• Empathy: Point out how others feel. "Look at her face. She's sad and hurt because she was pushed. How can we help her feel better?" 

• Calm-Down Strategies: Practice these when they're calm: deep breaths ("smell the flower, blow out the candle"), squeezing a stress ball, going to a "calm-down corner" with soft objects, or counting. 

• Problem-Solving Words: Role-play using words. "Can I have a turn next?" or "I don't like that! Please stop!" Give them the script. 

3. Respond Effectively in the Moment 

• Intervene Immediately & Calmly: Separate children if needed. Use a firm, low voice, not an angry yell. 

• Guide to Make Amends: Once calm, have the child help in repair: getting an ice pack, drawing an apology picture, or verbally apologizing. This teaches responsibility and empathy. 

4. Understand the "Why" Behind the Behavior 

Violence is often a symptom. Ask: 

• Is it communication? (Frustration from not having the words) 

• Is it sensory overload? (A tantrum from being overstimulated) 

• Is it a learned response? (Seeing it at home, school, or in media) 

5. Manage Media and Play Influences 

• Supervise and Co-View: Watch their shows and games. Discuss what you see. "That character just smashed someone. In real life, that would really hurt. How else could they have solved that problem?" 

• Choose Pro-Social Media: Seek out shows and games that emphasize cooperation, kindness, and resolution. 

• Monitor Play: Gently redirect violent pretend play. "I see your superhero wants to fight. What problem is he trying to solve? Could he use his powers to help instead?" 

6. Reinforce Positive Behavior Aggressively 

Keep encouraging and rewarding children for helping others and being disciplined themselves. 

When to Seek Additional Help 

Consult a pediatrician or child psychologist if: 

• The behavior is frequent, intense, and doesn't improve with consistent strategies. 

• It endangers themselves or others. 

• It's accompanied by extreme anger, cruelty to animals, or social withdrawal. 

• It's part of a pattern of defiance, bullying, or destruction. 

Children need to express all their emotions in safe, non-violent ways. This they should do whatever the other person or people in their lives do. Essentially, this needs to part of their personality. This is perhaps the best gift one can give them in a world that is now rewarding anger and violence. We as adults need to model this behavior so that children automatically this pattern and behavior. With this, we shall definitely create a better world. 

By Jamuna Rangachari